Margo's Got Money Troubles

by Rufi Thorpe

“I mean, I think I thought I was being a good person. There’s a lot of cultural messaging about what the ‘right’ thing to do is when you find yourself with an unwanted pregnancy. And I thought if I did the right thing and was a good person, then it would all turn out okay.” “Do you no longer think that’s true?” Dr. Sharp asked. She was staring down at her pad of yellow paper, her hand moving rapidly as she took notes. “I think being a good person is important, but my landlord doesn’t care if I’m a good person, he just cares if I can pay. My old boss, I think she really liked me, even loved me, but what mattered in the end was whether I could work when she needed me. That’s kind of how the world works.” She hoped this was not news to Dr. Sharp. She thought again about the way the test seemed designed for Kenny, who no doubt believed that if you were virtuous, God would provide, and hoped this wasn’t the wrong answer.

There are certain things I’ve had to lie to you about. I want you to close your eyes and actually remember what it was like to be twenty. I want you to remember your house or apartment or dorm room. Whom did you have a crush on? How did it feel to be inside your body, letting your legs flop over watching TV? Think of how ridiculously, insanely, terrifyingly stupid you were, how many things you just did not know. I have tried to hide as best I can the fact that I was young and, by virtue of being young, a fucking idiot, but there are some moments in which you can’t understand it any other way: an idiot comes against the hard surface of the world as it is.

I think the things we make up in our heads, the assumptions we make, wind up being much worse than what’s really going on.