The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #5)

by Lemony Snicket

While it is true that if they were stalks of celery they would not be orphans because celery is a plant and so cannot really be said to have parents, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny did not wish to be the stringy, low-calorie vegetable. Unfortunate things can happen to celery as easily as they can happen to children. Celery can be sliced into small pieces and dipped into clam dip at fancy parties. It can be coated in peanut butter and served as a snack. It can merely sit in a field and rot away, if the nearby celery farmers are lazy or on vacation. All these terrible things can happen to celery, and the orphans knew it, so if you were to ask the Baudelaires if they wanted to be stalks of celery they would say of course not.

giant donut of despair.

if you are a student you should always get a good night’s sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you

should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means “flunk.”