Butcher & Blackbird (The Ruinous Love Trilogy #1)

by Brynne Weaver

“You always look pretty. When you came to the restaurant, I said—” Rowan hiccups twice, then drowns the next one with a gulp of wine—“I said, ‘Sloane is the most beautiful girl in the world.’ And then my brother called me a ‘feckin eejit’ because I could have all the pussy I wanted in Boston but instead I’ve taken a vow of obstinance—” “Abstinence.” “—abstinence over a girl who doesn’t want me.”

I refuse to lose her. Sloane is the only person in the world who can look at my monster and find a friend.

“You did pluck out his eyes. Though I dunno, Blackbird … that eye hole on the left looks a little gouge-y.” She leans toward Thorsten with a scowl, scrutinizing the empty eye sockets as I bite down on a grin. “His left? Or my left?” “His left.” “Fuck off, it does not look gouge-y,” she says. Her doubt turns into a scowl as she looks back over her shoulder and catches the amusement in my eyes. “Dick.”

“I could take it,” she says. “I could cope. I had an end in sight. And in a way, I was learning. I was learning how to keep my rage and darkness beneath a mask so I could carry on in the world. So I kept my mouth shut as I gave pieces of myself away. But you know the one price I could not pay?” she asks as she stops behind Thorsten. Her smile is gone. She stares straight ahead, her eyes nearly black in the dim light. Her voice is low and drips with menace when she says, “The price I could never pay was Lark.”

Because aside from Lark, no one has stayed around. Not even my parents. What if I’m not worth keeping?

“Sloane,” he whispers. “You’re really here.” I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean. But I don’t ask.

Are we still on for August? No pressure if you can’t, truly. I know you have a lot going on

Why am ix crying

“I’ll go, if that’s what you want,” I say, my voice tight and small. “But I need you to tell me something first, please.” “What.” “I need to know why I’m unlovable.”