Darkest Sins (Perfectly Imperfect, #9)

by Neva Altaj

“You’re losing too much blood,” I whisper. His eyes crease at the corners. He pulls my hand to his mouth and touches his lips to the tips of my fingers. It’s the faintest of kisses, but it feels as if hot iron is branding my skin. And I almost fall apart. “Blood lost for you is blood well spent,” he says against my trembling palm.

“I thought you forgot me,” I whisper. Warm breath fans the back of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. “Even when I was on the brink of madness, barely alive and unable to grasp where or who I was, I remembered you.”

The mahogany double doors on the other side of the conference room open, and a man steps inside. My heart stops its incessant thunderous beating in my chest.

“Your head of security?” “Yes,” I reply. “My condolences, cub.”

“I guess I should introduce myself,” my demon says as he grabs Ernesto’s corpse by the scruff of the jacket. He tosses the body to the right where it hits the wall with a loud thump and crashes to the floor. His eyes don’t deviate from mine even for a second while he casually takes a seat on the now-empty chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m Kai Mazur. Mrs. Leone’s new chief of security.”

“Ernesto,” he says in that husky voice I love so much, “is an example of what will happen to anyone who is entrusted with Mrs. Leone’s safety, but fails to do his job properly.”

“So, you just decided to barge in, interrupt my meeting, and slaughter my head of security?” “Correct. And I’ll do the same to anyone who’s a danger to you. Whether directly, or because of their incompetence.” “I don’t want you here . . . Kai.” Another strike to my chest, this one cutting deeper than the previous one. I hate my name, but I love how she says it. “It doesn’t make a difference, tiger cub. I’m staying until I’m convinced you’re safe.” “It’s not your job to keep me safe.” “Maybe not. I’m still going to do it.” “And then, you’ll leave for good?” “Yes,” I lie. As long as I live, I’m never leaving her again. “You’ve

“I won’t allow a potential threat to you to draw a single breath more than necessary!” I bellow. “Can you imagine my shock when I came across a contract for a hit with your picture on it? Or when I saw that the Sicilians already took the job? I couldn’t fucking breathe—too worried about your safety—while I was running around your home, trying to pick them off before one of the bastards could get to you!”

But I will not be sleeping in the other building.

A tiny little girl, wearing pink pajamas with white flowers all over them, stands in the doorway, clutching a teddy bear to her chest. A shock of tangled dark-blonde hair—so similar to my cub’s—partially obscures her face.

“I’m thirsty, Mommy,” the girl mumbles and sleepily rubs her eyes with the back of her hand. I jerk as if someone’s stabbed me straight in the heart. All air leaves my lungs as an avalanche of feelings crushes my chest. Shock. Hurt. Betrayal.

My cub has someone of her own now. Maybe, in another life, that little girl could have been mine, too. “She looks just like you, tiger cub,” I say softly and turn to leave. “Yes. Except for her eyes,” Nera answers, her voice hoarse and trembling. “She has her father’s eyes. Pale-gray, like the break of first light to end a starless night.” I swivel around so fast that my duffel bag hits the door frame. Faint ringing settles in my ears, getting louder with every heartbeat until my head feels like it’s going to explode. Nera is still in the same spot as before, but she’s facing me now, while tears streak down her cheeks. “Your eyes, demon,” she says, barely above a whisper.

His gaze hasn’t moved off her for even a second in all that time. It felt like he was trying to absorb our daughter with his eyes. Just as he’s doing now. “Blue for boys,” Lucia suddenly exclaims, takes a blue plastic cup with a coaster, and, scrambling up to her feet, heads toward Kai. He blinks, pales, and his eyes widen in alarm. Lucia stops in front of him and lifts the toy cup.

I’ve always felt as if nothing could touch me when I was in his arms. How could he leave me? “I thought you loved me,” I whisper. “I guess I was wrong.” Kai’s arm shoots out, wrapping around my waist and crushing me to his body. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest. His breathing—fast and shallow. His other hand comes to the back of my head, fingers tangling in my hair. Warm breath tingles my skin as he lowers his head until his mouth hovers next to my ear. “You were.” The husky timbre of his voice reverberates through me, all the way to my bones. “But only about your use of past tense. Not only do I still love you. I fucking live for you, tiger cub.” My breath hitches. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight. “Every breath,” he continues. “Every heartbeat. Every drop of my blood is yours. It has all been yours from the moment we met all those years ago. If you want it, I’ll carve my fucking heart out and lay it at your feet. It’s yours, and always will be.”

“Ask me anything, but that.” The look in his eyes as they meet mine is so full of torment and sorrow. “If I tell you, you’ll hate me forever, cub. Say the word, and I’ll confess every dark sin of mine to you. Just not that one.” I take his face into my hands and press my forehead to his. When my father was murdered, I was too shaken up to think about anything at all. But after some time, as I lay awake in my bed, waiting in vain for my demon to return, thinking was the only thing I could do. That call he received the last time we were together. The way my father was killed—one shot to the head. And then, my demon disappeared into thin air. It took me a while, but eventually, I connected the dots. “I already know,” I whisper. “I know it was you.”

“I was so angry and hurt when I realized it was you,” I continue. “For a while, I even hated you. The only man whom I trusted absolutely. The man who said he’ll never do me harm. The love of my life . . .” “Please,” he chokes out, “don’t say it.” “The man who killed my father.” I finish with a shaking breath.

“I didn’t know, cub.” A tear slides down his cheek. “I swear, I didn’t know. When I saw you there, rushing toward him, and realized what I had done . . . I wanted to die, Nera. I’d rather kill myself a thousand times than cause you the slightest anguish. But I didn’t know. The fucking barely literate bastard that I am, I didn’t even bother to read the bio of the target. Please, believe me. I didn’t know. I didn’t fucking know.” I close my eyes and drop my head, burying my nose in the crook of his neck. “Take my gun, cub. I’ll kneel before you, so you can shoot me in the head.” His voice sounds so broken, making me hurt from the weight of pain I can hear in it.

“I forgave you. For my father. Years ago.” “Some things can never be forgiven, tiger cub.” “They can. When you love someone, you can forgive anything.” “Not this.”

“How about a trade, then?” “I have nothing to offer you, cub. Only my blood, my life, and the army of ghosts at my back everywhere I go.” “Then, I’ll have you just the way that you are, my demon,” I say into his mouth. “And I don’t care about the ghosts.”

“I’ve dreamed of being inside you again for years,”

“I’ve imagined how you’ll smell. The tiny sounds you’ll make.”

“I’ve wondered if it would feel the same. Like before.”

“And does it? Feel the same?” “Even better.” I thrust to the hilt, then grab her chin, tilting her face to look at me. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“Can you grasp the vastness of nothingness within my soul if you’re not near?”

“Everything is gray and empty. You are my lifeline, tiger cub, because there is no life for me if you’re not in it.”

“I wanted to die,” she manages through ragged breath, then gasps as I plunge back into her heat. “When I thought I’d never see you again, I just wanted to die.”

“Don’t you fucking dare leave me again,” she says through her teeth. “Over ninety-nine million,”

“That’s how many seconds I’ve spent without you. And every single one felt like death, Nera.” I crush my mouth to hers. “Never again.”

So I slide my palm over her lips. “Bite down on it, cub.” Two rows of white teeth sink into my flesh.

Every one of her features is engraved on my mind, and still, I can’t stop watching her.

Mine. All mine.

My beautiful tiger cub. My lifeline. Coming undone for me.

“I need to make you come again, cub. I’ll keep taking you over and over until I’m convinced you’re real—here in my arms—and not some figment of my imagination. I need to watch you shatter under my touch. Again. And again.”

“I’m going to fuck you until my damn cock bursts and my brain finally accepts that you’re with me and I’m not dreaming. You’re mine.” I curl my fingers upward. “You got me, cub?” “Yes,” she mewls.

“I love you so fucking much,” I rasp

“I love you too, demon.” Her voice is hoarse.

“Someone has put up two million to have you killed. I’m going to take out anyone who’s ever seen that hit order just to make sure the motherfucker cannot follow through.” I would have smiled at his statement if I wasn’t certain he was being deadly serious. “We made a deal, demon. When I find out who’s after my head, you’re free to do whatever you want with him. But you won’t mess with how I’m handling this business.” “Oh, I’ll find the man who dared to hurt you,” he growls. “And when I do, I’m going to enjoy the sounds of his screams while I rip off his arms. And his legs. Then, I’ll twist his fucking head off and put it on a spike to rot.”

“Will you tell me where you were all this time?” “In hell, cub. Instead of seeing my baby girl being born, I was in hell. Where I belong.”

“You belong here,” I say. “With me. And our daughter.

“I can endure a lot of things, Nera, but to see you with the hatred in your eyes? That, I couldn’t bear. So, I spent days and nights following you or lurking on the rooftop across from your apartment. Watching you. Having you so close, yet so out of fucking reach at the same time, was the worst form of torture. I never meant for you to see me that night.”

“I heard you, you know? When you shouted off the roof into the darkness.” “I didn’t mean it. I was hurt and—” “I know.” He kisses my forehead.

I thought I lost you, cub.” “You never lost me.” I kiss his chin. Then his collarbone. “I was always only yours. Even when I believed that I’d never see you again.” I sweep the strands of hair from his face, then kiss his cheek. “Even when I believed that you forgot me or no longer cared.” “Forgot you?” He grabs me around the waist and flips us around, pinning me under his weight. “How could one forget the sole light in the miserable darkness of his life?”

“While I was confined, most of the time I didn’t know where I was. Or if it was day or night. And sometimes, I didn’t even know who I was.”

“But even though I was delirious, disconnected from reality, scattered flashes from my memories kept invading my mind.”

“A red scarf. Warm hands, sewing up my skin. The taste o...

“Soft voice, reading some nonsense about cows to me, while a delicate finger moved under th...

“You, my tiger cub, were the only thing I remembered.” He lowers his head and buries himself inside me. “My everything.”

After Nera fell asleep, I snuck out of the bedroom and tiptoed to the room next door. I stood in the doorway and watched Lucia’s little sleeping form. I didn’t dare to come any closer, simply listened to her breathe as she lay curled under her fluffy yellow blanket. Then, around three in the morning, I crouched by my baby’s bed and watched her cherubic face. She looks just like Nera when she’s sleeping. I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight. My daughter. It felt like I was observing a miracle. How could something so perfect and innocent ever come from me? Would I taint her if I touched her? Would I stain her with my sins?

I swallow and look down to where she’s still holding on to me. So tiny. How can her fingers be so tiny? I move my thumb and stroke her teeny fist. My daughter. Gingerly, I turn my hand to capture one of hers in mine, caressing the now sticky little fingers. “Wanna play hairdresser?” Not moving my eyes off the precious treasure in my palm, I lean over and kiss the ketchup-covered tips. And nod.

“I’m terribly sorry for the misunderstanding that occurred two nights ago. We had no idea that the contract we accepted involved Mazur’s girl.” Before I can respond, light reflects off a silver blade. I suck in a breath, staring at the wicked-looking knife Kai is holding against the guy’s neck. Blood wells at the spot where the tip nicked the man, and a thin trickle slowly slides down the cold steel. The Sicilian doesn’t even blink. He just looks at Kai and raises an eyebrow. “You do not stare at my woman, Rafael.” My demon’s voice is low but charged with menace. “You got that?” “Noted.”