This Used to Be Us

by Renee Carlino

If she wasn’t dancing, cracking jokes, making funny commentary or kissing and hugging you, then she was probably yelling or crying. Occasionally, you’d get an even-keeled version of her, but it was rare.

When the boys were young, we’d put them to bed, steal off to our bedroom with a plate of pie, a bottle of wine, and we’d stay up late, feeding each other, talking, rolling around naked, laughing about family dramatics, kissing, exemplifying true intimacy…proving to ourselves once again that we needed only each other.

“I know for sure that loving your people well will make your life better, but you have to practice it every day. It’s a skill to refine…a craft to perfect. Love yourself, love your friends, love your family, love each other, love hard, fight hard to love, love your enemies, love all the great loves in your life and love them well, and you will be the richest men on this planet. Love is not selfish or perfect.

“I love you too, Alex. Tomorrow, will you start playing the albums for me, and read all the memories?”

The writings on the sleeves of record players, this broke me. They were so beautiful.

I can hear all the sounds he’s making. The coffee beans grinding, his feet shuffling across the travertine, the clearing of his throat—it all sounds like beautiful music to me now.

From the beginning of the book where Dani absolutely hated Alex and the noises he would "selfishly" make in the mornings, disrupting the whole house... to the end of the book where it was music to her ears and life with Alex and her boys was everything she needed and wanted.