One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories

by B.J. Novak

When we can say anything, what do we say? When we can feel anything, what do we feel? When we can share anything, what do we share? Silence in the room. Lisa Lampanelli faints. Pauly D weeps softly. Visible particles of physical shame fly from the pores of Jeffrey Ross.

November 6th—Things with Jane getting better. I think we’re going to work this out. I love Jane. That’s all that matters. November 11th—They sacrificed Jane today. Really happy for the Sun God.

Psychological counseling to handle the effects of devoting my life’s work to this crushingly bizarre and isolating activity of no relevant value or connection to the wider world should run me approximately $750 per week.

The old man made a lot of sense, except for the cotton candy reference. What was that about? Could you really make a lot of money that way? Maybe he knew someone who made a lot of money in candy. Or maybe he was just old, and you just had to ignore a few of the things he said to get to the wisdom.

“June … the shoebox … good problem to have, too.” He opened the door and left. “What the hell does that mean?” said one of the other Matts. “Language,” said Mr. Hunt.