The Deer and the Dragon (No Other Gods #1)

by Piper C.J.

I stared down the barrel of the lesser of two evils:

Oh man. I’d read about this terrible line in other reviews, I didn’t realize it was the opening line.

I caught the brief, disapproving narrowing of eyes through the rapidly closing doors and flashed my most dazzling smile. Part of me respected her bravery. It was bold to be judgmental of the residents when they knew precisely how much these apartments cost.

Classism! Fun!

I continued facing the window but reached over my head for the zipper.

How to you unzip if your arm is over your head?

The tingle of the water between my legs trickling onto my inner thighs elicited a low groan of approval.

Is . . . is she peeing?

Despite the bandage-tight dress around my hips and the puddle of evidence on my legs,

How is there a “puddle” on her leg while she’s standing? That’s not how physics works.

Having my own place meant no one could force me into the tyranny of pants. I

People were tiresome and rarely seemed solution-oriented. Why would they bother complaining about where they lived if they weren’t willing to pack a suitcase and move? What was the point of telling me how much they hated their spouse if divorce wasn’t an option? Their problems were exhausting, and I didn’t have the emotional capacity to feign empathy for half of them.

Umm, wow. Main character with no compassion, empathy, or ability to understand that not everyone has access to the same resources. Got it.

Not only did I not want to compare myself to the greats, but nor did I want to risk being accused of idea theft, but I found that spite was my favorite motivator.

A writer who doesn’t read good writing on purpose. . .ok.

It wasn’t exactly five chapters, but EG would get what she’d get. I’d looked up only twice, each time to fill my coffee cup with pure liquor. When I finished, I sent them to my editor without proofreading. I glanced at the clock to see that it was already five in the afternoon. I’d eaten nothing. And I was gloriously shitfaced.

So, Marlow is an alcoholic.

I just needed to learn to channel the cup of imagination, containing it to its glass within my novels, not allowing it to spill out and get on my dress, drip down my inner thighs, ruin my panties, crumple my clothes to the floor, or create my outline against the wall-to-wall window overlooking the river.

I hate it when my imagination ruins my panties. Holy purple prose, Batman!

He’d left the curtain open, soaking my bathroom floor in water so that the small orange flame might cast friendlier shadows than the ones that haunted me.

How does leaving the shower curtain open and getting the floor wet hinder tha ability of light to make candles exactly?

Taylor was the friendliest, perkiest, most generous person I’d ever met. Two of the bedrooms were occupied by unnaturally beautiful friends, Ivy and Quinn, both of whom oozed similar compassion and support. They were so kind that, at first, I was convinced they were insincere. My hackles went up, terrified that my naivety had lured me into a trap. I wondered how long it would be before the organ harvesters showed. But no. Instead, it was something far rarer. They were just really good people. Taylor, Ivy, and Quinn were escorts.

Except is was a trap. Within 24 hours they’ve recruited you to be an escort. It was just a pretty trap. Flies, honey, you know how it goes.

“I’m sorry we had to meet this way. Cute place, by the way. I’m Fauna.” She extended her hand as if I was meant to shake it, and my eyes bulged at the gesture. I struggled to keep from raking my hands through my hair, convinced the mad-scientist fluff wouldn’t make me look any saner. “Who the fuck are you people!” I could barely even look at the ethereal woman who stood in my room with supernatural grace and beauty. She was little more than curved lines and incomprehensible splashes of brass and diamond. None of it made sense. Part of me longed to slip into ignorance once more. It would be so much nicer to resume believing they were fictional.

It’s hard to build suspense when EVery Single Line of dialogue is followed by 1-3 paragraphs of exposition

Fauna’s icy white hair was divided by a block of copper. Her pale skin was smattered with freckles of both ginger and pearl. She did indeed look every bit her namesake, like a baby deer had shifted into beautiful human skin with an attitude.

But . . . that’s not what Fauna means.

“Speaking of which, have I told you that you’re a dumbass?”

Marlow really is a dumbass.

Fighting anxiety-induced nausea, I asked, “Why did they leave?” Fauna leaned back in her chair. Mouth downturned, she said, “Salem wasn’t the only place that had witch hunts, you know. Aloisa may have been human, but a lot of Europe was going through some religious shit pretty much side by side in the timeline. Ask Silas and his asshole of a master if you want more details. Aloisa thought it would be best to keep Dagny safe by leaving the country. This is supposed to be the land of religious freedom, right?”

Okay, so Marlow is 26. She was born in the 90’s. That would mean, At most, her great-grandmother was born in the 1880’s. So, she would have had her first child around 1900. THEY DIDNT BURN WITCHES IN 1900!

The Nordes

This has been driving me nuts! Nordes??! So, I looked it up. Norse or Nordic is the way to refer to people/deities from the Nordic region. “Nordes” are a race of people in the video game “The Elder Scrolls”. Why am I still reading this?