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I stared down the barrel of the lesser of two evils: the flesh-and-blood disappointment of a human man, or a life trapped in my imagination with a fictional lover.
The only pieces of this life that brought me joy were escaping it. Sometimes through food, sex, drugs, or rambling through the markets in a country where I didn’t know the language. For a few minutes, sometimes even for a few days, I could pretend that I was someone different. I could let go of the chains that shackled me to the earth and disappear into a marvelous something.
Gandhi told us to be the change we want to see in the world. He was probably talking about kindness or charity or something, but I preferred to apply it to becoming the author I wished everyone else was.
Maybe I just didn’t want to add a new set of pills to the tiny orange army that kept a vigilant watch over me.
People like to comfort themselves by believing the scary things are out in the world. It keeps them from living. It’s often the danger out your front door that blinds you.”
“I can’t blame her,” Fauna said. “I’m sure the things she thought and felt were very scary for her. Generally, we like to leave humans with distant fae blood to their own devices. Unless, of course, some angelic asshole is trying to bond with a Norde just to fuck with the Prince.”
Her sparkle returned. She winked. “Most humans spend their lives asleep to reality. What do you say, Marlow? Are you ready to wake up?”
“Not quite, but you’re getting closer. Cool guy. He put his clairsentience to way better use than your dumb ass. Hate his fan club, though.”
“Go get yourself a new drink first. You’re unpleasant. I hope it’s just morning grumpies and caffeine deprivation. I’m going to be really bummed if I swooped in to save a wet blanket.”
“Come on,” she pushed. “You write fantasy and have spent years fucking a demon, right? Shouldn’t this be an easy pill for you to swallow?”
I’d been born into a house on fire, but through cautious steps, I’d learned to manage the source of the flames.
“Wanna know which goddesses I’ve boned? You know, people say the Mórrigan is a goddess of war, but—”
“If someone adores you for your chaos, what’s the best way to honor that love? If they treasure your rootlessness, if they celebrate your anarchy, if they love you as you are, do you think they’d be dancing in the streets if you gave up the very essence at the core of your being that made them fall for you?”
“I am yours, and you are mine. And whether it’s in this life or the next, we will always find each other.”
His laugh was short and breathy. “If you wouldn’t burn the world to the ground for the one you love, are you even in love?”
