The Deer and the Dragon (No Other Gods #1)

by Piper C.J.

There is no trigger warning for sex work, just as there are no trigger warnings for loan officers, real estate agents, veterinarians, or authors.

Whatever dream you wanted to project onto me, I gave you the option right there in my intricately tailored series of images. “Who are you?” the app had asked. “Whoever you need me to be,” my profile replied.

In my early twenties, I would have rushed to cover the check so that Josh wouldn’t expect anything from me. Now I expected him to procure his Amex as penance for making me watch him chew with his mouth open. It was the least he could do.

Fish. Everything about this man was a fish. When they tell you that there are plenty of fish in the sea, they forget to mention that half of marine life is boring, scaly and a part of an identical school of thousands just like him. I would rather be alone, high, and looking at tropical fish next weekend.

I’d like to sleaze it up with a loose bag of cheese and my sweatpants

preach girly preach

My memories wandered to the exotic pet I’d invented for myself as a child. A white fox had played with me in the woods, had kept me company when I was sad, and had been my only friend in the world when I’d had none.

As much as her happy life with a supportive husband called to me, so did my siren’s song of hopping on planes, living in solitude, and sleeping with strangers.

I put on the shittiest audiobook I could find while I brushed my hair, tidied my apartment, and waited for the initial buzz from the alcohol to kick in. I refused to read anything worthwhile these days. Not only did I not want to compare myself to the greats, but nor did I want to risk being accused of idea theft, but I found that spite was my favorite motivator. Every terrible idiom, every clumsy sentence, every ill-conceived plot and obnoxious main character highlighted ways in which I’d like to do things differently. Gandhi told us to be the change we want to see in the world. He

People like to comfort themselves by believing the scary things are out in the world. It keeps them from living. It’s often the danger out your front door that blinds you.”

It was the first-worldiest of problems, but I was tired, and tired people are grouchy no matter how spoiled they are.

The one who murdered our receptionist?

:(

A murder had happened in my building.

Girl, 2!! and one was in your place

“I generally prefer to keep my research…academic.” Disappointment flickered through her. She weighed me before saying, “You can’t study something while looking down your nose at it.”

There isn’t a deity alive who doesn’t use sex as a form of worship—

it doesn’t matter what you call them,” Fauna said. She recapped the pen and handed it to me. “None of the words matter. Everything you say has been made up by humans and filtered through time and culture. Use language however you want. Whatever helps you understand that you can see and feel and experience more than is limited to your realm.”

“I’m sorry we don’t intervene more often. It’s better this way. The days of roaming freely in your realm did…not end well, for man or fae.”

“What do you do with the big, strong man when you find him?” Her eyes darkened and her voice lowered as she said, “Well, that depends what kind of mood I’m in.”

No notes

“Come on,” she pushed. “You write fantasy and have spent years fucking a demon, right? Shouldn’t this be an easy pill for you to swallow?”

“It’s a mistake you’ll have to learn from, Marlow. Names, commands, promises…they have power that those of us having a mortal experience don’t understand. Humans aren’t like fae, sweet one. We can lie. We can break our word. We don’t need consent. Some suggest that the human kingdom is the true hell, and I often wonder if they’re right.”

My mom changed after that day. Her discernment of spirits had allowed her to see that her child had been visited by the devil, I’d learned. But through daily hours of prayer, dedication, piety, study, church visits, and purification, God would still lay claim on me. She tore the arctic fox page from my National Geographic book, leaving only the torn remnants of what had once been a pretty snow landscape and a perfect, furry creature in its memory. I no longer had space for tears, as every night I’d hear my mother falling asleep sobbing as she begged the Lord to spare my soul.

“You know that verse in that book? The book you were raised with? It’s from your Ten Commandments—thou shalt have no other gods before me?” My frown took on a life of its own as blasphemous discomfort raked through me. I squirmed in my seat, ready to be struck by lightning. It took me a while to realize she expected a real answer, so I nodded. Yes, of course I knew it. Fauna raised a brow. “No one considers what’s spelled out there in the verse. If no other gods can come before him, he confirms the existence of other gods.

Life is hard on both sides, so who’s to say who has it better? They both believe in their cause, and in that way, I guess neither side is wrong.

The best part was that it had pockets.

so real for that one girl

either you buy in to the idea that he’s a fallen angel because he rebelled and rules his own kingdom, or we believe he continues to serve his original king by faithfully punishing people and continues to be a good little lap dog for the King of Heaven. Have it one way or the other.”

This room was the shrine of a man in love. I sank to the bed, closet doors still open as I stared at the evidence. I wasn’t sure how to pick something of hers to wear, not only because she’d managed to dress like a hippie for centuries but because it seemed wrong, somehow, to disturb the things he’d kept safe over the years as she’d transitioned from Scandinavian forest maiden to nomadic yoga fiend. She’d changed, and he’d let her.

“If someone adores you for your chaos, what’s the best way to honor that love? If they treasure your rootlessness, if they celebrate your anarchy, if they love you as you are, do you think they’d be dancing in the streets if you gave up the very essence at the core of your being that made them fall for you?”

“Then why do you buy them?” “In case my little sugar goblin stops by,” he said, ruffling her hair as he passed in a return to his room. She smiled happily as she popped another cookie into her mouth. My heart squeezed painfully as I looked at the place where he’d been only moments before. Twenty years. He’d kept the pantry stocked for twenty years, just in case she paid a visit. Just as I was about to scold Fauna for not appreciating his love, I thought of something she’d said to me in the car when I asked why Caliban had stayed with me. If you waste this lifetime, he loves you enough to try again in the next. And the next. And the next.

To accept one piece of this new reality meant to accept everything, except there was no barometer, no good book, no teacher save for those around me.