Caught Up (Windy City, #3)

by Liz Tomforde

“What is that?”

“You know what that is.”

“Why? Why would that be there? Why is it next to Max’s picture?” He doesn’t answer me, so I pull my attention away from the picture to find him staring at me and it isn’t until he has my full attention that he says, “Because when life or work gets too stressful, too overwhelming for me, I’m able to see who matters most. And that’s you, Miller.” He shakes his head. “And it’s in there because I’m so fucking in love with you, it’s too painful not to be able to see you every second of the day.”

“I am.” He throws his hands up in defeat. “I fucking love you, and I’m sorry that neither my son nor I could control how we feel about you. I’m sorry that this is the last thing you wanted to hear, but I’m not sorry that I do.” “Kai,” I cry, fresh tears streaming down my face. “You can’t. We just…we got caught up in this. We had rules.” “Fuck your rules, Miller!” he bursts, pacing the hallway that leads to his room. “I’m not asking you to love me back.” But I do. “But I’m not going to keep pretending like I’m not absolutely fucking ruined from having you for the last two months. I know this is the last thing you wanted, but I’m not going to apologize. You’re my favorite person, Miller, and for once I had someone for me. I had someone taking care of me. After being alone for so long, I finally had someone looking out for me.” “I haven’t been taking care of you.” I frantically shake my head. “You were the one taking care of me.” “You’ve been taking care of my heart, Mills, and I’ve been taking care of yours.”

“You want a family to raise your son around. I don’t have that, Kai.” I swear I’m looking for anything to talk him out of his feelings. “I only have me.” “I only want you! We already have a family, Miller. My friends, the team, your dad. And you. I just want you.” “I didn’t want to hurt you,” I squeak out. “I knew I was leaving the entire time and I let you get attached. I let myself get attached, and now I’m just another person that’s going to leave you.”

“Miller, you’re not just another person.” He won’t look at me, his attention locked on the ground, and I catch the first tear fall from under his glasses, hitting the floor. “You put me first when I forgot how to. You reminded me what it felt like to be important, to be chosen first. I know you wanted this to be easy and detached, but you’re fucking in here.” His fingers meet his chest, tapping it a couple of times, blue eyes meeting mine, and full of pain. “You’re everywhere, and when you leave tomorrow, I’ll still see you everywhere. In this kitchen. In Max’s room. In my bed. There’s nothing about us that’s easy. This is fucking miserable, Miller, knowing there’s a clock counting down the seconds until I don’t have you anymore, but I’d do it all over again. I’d fall in love with you all over again. I’d break my heart all over again because loving you was one of the two greatest surprises of my life.”

“If I could…” he continues, shaking his head. “I’d chase you. I’d spend every free day on an airplane to get to you, even if that meant I only got to kiss you once before I had to fly back to Chicago. I’d spend my off-season living out of a hotel or out of your fucking van just to be close to you, but it’s not only me I’m making decisions for anymore. And because of that, I don’t want you to say anything. Don’t tell me if you love me, and fuck,” he exhales a painful laugh. “Please don’t tell me if you don’t. But especially don’t give me any hope because if you do, I have a feeling I’d chase you across the country until you were caught.”

“Kai,”

“I love you. God, I love you so much, Miller, it feels like it might kill me.”

It’s intimate. It’s connection. It’s love and it’s terrifyingly painful because it’s all going to end. Kai pulls back to look at me and it’s then I see the sheen over his eyes. He feels it all too.

“Miller,” he says, making sure my attention is on him. “If you ever decide to stop running and make a home…” His eyes are begging, pleading. “Make it with me.”

And that night, when Kai whispers that today was a good day against my skin, I don’t tell him that they can all be good days. Because for me, this was the very last one.

Nothing makes sense without her.

God, I miss him. I miss his smell, his smile—the tired one and the confident one. I miss his steady hold, and his overwhelming encouragement. I feel like I’ve been spinning off axis for the past seven days, but this was always the plan.

I hate that I love him so much.

I just don’t want you to be so afraid to fail at something new that it keeps you from finding your happiness

“But there are other avenues in life that are equally great and impressive. You don’t need everyone to know your name for it to mean you’re doing something great with your life. Trust me, when the right person knows your name, it’s enough.” He nudges his shoulder into me. “Or in your case when the right people know your name. Two to be exact.” Kai and Max.

“I don’t like the term ‘settling down.’ I didn’t settle for anything. I simply stopped running when the two best boys I know caught me.”

“You should probably hook me up with some of that skin care, Miller, because I have a feeling this smile isn’t going anywhere.”

We could’ve gone years and I still would’ve claimed her as mine the moment she decided she wanted to be.

“You. Just you. I want it all with you, Miller.”

“And I love you.”

“I love you so much, Kai. Nothing about me leaving was because of you. I need you to know that. You’re more than enough, more than I could’ve dreamt for. I loved you before I left, and I love Max and I’ve never felt so much at once that I’m fairly certain my heart is going to give out soon. I’m only twenty-six, Malakai. It’s too soon.”

“Don’t worry, Mills. I’ll go long before you, due to my ...

We have forever.

For a long time, I felt a bit broken from trying to be enough for everyone else. But once this woman walked into my life, she made me realize that not only am I enough for Max, but I’m also enough for myself. And now I know, without a shred of doubt, that I’m enough for Miller too.

“Why aren’t you dancing?”

“Because I only want to dance with you.”

“This means so much to me, Mills.”

“Today was a good day.”

“They’re all going to be good days, Miller.”

She’s everything to him, in the same way she is to me.

With our friends surrounding us, I finally got my family.

I already knew they were close, but that bond has only strengthened since Miller officially moved in six months ago. A day hasn’t gone by that she hasn’t kissed him before bed or been with me to wake him in the morning. Their love for each other is so evident.

“He’s lucky to have you and so am I.”

“I think we’re all lucky.”

Leaning down, I kiss the skin under her ear. “You and me, Mills, we’re doing good.” She finds my forearm, holding me. “Yeah, we are, aren’t we?”

“I wanted to ask you the second you came back, but I was trying to give you the space to grow into this new life without asking too much of you. But I can’t wait any longer. There’s no one else I want to raise him, and hopefully a few more babies, with. You’re my closest friend and the person I have the most fun with. I love you, Miller, and I’m pretty envious that Max gets to call you Mom because I’d really like the opportunity to call you my wife.”