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Left alone in the dark, this secret festers, until everything around it is infected with its rot and it has become impossible to ignore, forcing us to witness the most depraved sides of humanity.
“Nothing,” she told me, “appeals more to a man than a young girl who’s not been had yet, apart from a girl who’s not been had yet and gives the impression she’ll be had by him.” She made me think of myself as a piece of fruit and the act of sex like plucking a plum with a rough hand, bruising the flesh.
Some things are so horrible that the only sane response is a bit of madness. A—
“Because the truth scares people. They’re always afraid of what they can’t explain, and my Ruth can’t be so easily explained.”
Spirits like her are not drawn to the happy and carefree; they want salt, be it blood or be it tears.
“You must be careful with that, Roos. It’s a dangerous thing, to try and give someone everything. One day, you might find you’ve given away things you should’ve kept. Some parts of us must remain inviolate if we are to survive as a person.”
Might be worth watching her for more signs of homosexuality; after all, it’s a known disorder of the mind.
Mama’s house had been too old and tired to do much but give the occasional wheeze, but the Rozentuin was very talkative. She liked to rattle her pipes and give a hearty groan when she stretched. Sometimes I even fancied I could hear someone walk around upstairs, moving things around.
“Happy. Such a funny little word, don’t you think? Perhaps not so hard a state to achieve, but nearly impossible to maintain, and different for everyone. I’m sure there are people out there who would be perfectly happy to never have to clean, but not me. Doing little has never agreed with me. It gives me too much time to dwell on things.”
“Knowing is cold, I suppose,” she said. “Cold and distant. You know things with your mind. Understanding is different. It’s warm. You understand things with your mind, yes, but also with your heart.”
Have you discovered the schoolroom yet? I think you must have. You’ve got a yellow smudge on your sleeve. The wallpaper stains, you know.
“Thank God for small blessings.” “Not God: nature and its tendency to decay.”
“How else does one show the strength and sincerity of one’s love if not through suffering and sacrifice?”
beloved friend
"friend"
