My Darling Dreadful Thing

by Johanna van Veen

“Nothing,” she told me, “appeals more to a man than a young girl who’s not been had yet, apart from a girl who’s not been had yet and gives the impression she’ll be had by him.” She made me think of myself as a piece of fruit and the act of sex like plucking a plum with a rough hand, bruising the flesh.

“Because the truth scares people. They’re always afraid of what they can’t explain, and my Ruth can’t be so easily explained.”

Spirits like her are not drawn to the happy and carefree; they want salt, be it blood or be it tears.

“You must be careful with that, Roos. It’s a dangerous thing, to try and give someone everything. One day, you might find you’ve given away things you should’ve kept. Some parts of us must remain inviolate if we are to survive as a person.”

“Happy. Such a funny little word, don’t you think? Perhaps not so hard a state to achieve, but nearly impossible to maintain, and different for everyone. I’m sure there are people out there who would be perfectly happy to never have to clean, but not me. Doing little has never agreed with me. It gives me too much time to dwell on things.”

“How else does one show the strength and sincerity of one’s love if not through suffering and sacrifice?”