Between Never and Forever

by Shain Rose

“It’s been a whole damn year, Kee. A year of me loving you, and a year of you wanting me to keep it a secret. For what?”

“You can have me here,” I whispered. “Just not out there.” “I want you every-fucking-where.” “You have me. Here. In private. It’s just for now. We’ll have each other forever soon enough.”

“I’ll never be your friend.” The words came out fast with fury. “I’ve told you I love you; I’ve promised myself to you. I want to marry you…not be your friend.” She gasped at my confession, yet I continued on. “You’ve always been my girl, my girlfriend, my future wife. Nothing less. Don’t you get that? I promised you forever, Kee.”

So, I shut her down. “I don’t know, Kee. All I know is that you said you didn’t love me once.” “I didn’t mean it.” I stepped back and away from her. “Yes, well, I mean it when I say I don’t love you now.” I didn’t mean it either.

“maybe it’s time to start putting a little more of yourself out there, sing some of the songs you want, be a little more yourself, and—” “Definitely screw Dex once or twice. See if the dick still fits,” Pink finished for her. My jaw dropped. “Wow.” “I know.” She stared at me with those eyes, no shame in them at all. “I’m a lot. It’s fine. Love it or hate it.”

“You come to my casino, my resort, have your fuckboy of a boyfriend propose on my property. And you’re wearing his ring like it belongs on your finger. Tell me it’s a joke. Say. It.”

“Because I could only look at you all night.” He combed a hand through his thick hair. “I’ve been with her for two years, and it’s been damn near fifteen years without you,” he said, and his voice suddenly held all the pain I felt. “And yet I hear your voice on that stage, look at you singing, and I still only want you.”

won’t stop until I have you. You know that, Kee. I won’t stop till I get you out of my fucking system.” “Out of your system while you infect mine?”

Dex Hardy, in a three-piece suit and all grown up, stood in front of me, ready to take over my world. And then he leaned in close and whispered in my ear, “Because your ass knows. You’re not marrying anyone but me.”

“Bend over the counter and face the window. Look out at the city I rule and feel how I’m going to rule you too.”

“Now, want me to fuck you nice, like this means something, or fuck you rough, like I hate you for all you’ve done?”

I had now etched him into my memories, the man who not only stole my heart but now my virginity. I did know, though, that it would probably ruin me if he wasn’t my last.

“How do you intend to live in harmony with me if you can’t take one step in the right direction away from taunting me?” “You need a little disruption in your perfect life anyway.”

“Don’t tempt me into watching your every move, Kee, because God knows I’d enjoy it.” He slammed the door behind him, and I stood there thinking I was twisted in the head because I knew… I’d enjoy it too.

Just know, if I can’t have her, I’m not going to let a stalker or someone unworthy have her instead, that’s for sure. No one gets my girl but me. And I’m not even sure she’ll let me have her anyway.”

“Not possible. Even when I thought I hated you, I still wanted to be with you.” “Why?” “Because you don’t forget a love like ours and move on. You just survive without it, right?”

I wrote songs because I couldn’t forget him. He tattooed me on himself because he couldn’t forget me. It solidified something in my heart right then: our love was real, even if we’d tried to avoid it, even if we were kids, even if it was surrounded by trauma and wreckage. Our love was there and it survived. Love always somehow survived.

Me: You and I both know you’re fucking color-blind and can’t even tell the difference between her orange and red top. Dimitri: I can.

“I think I might be falling in love with you, Dex.” “Well, good. At least the fall is starting for you. I’m so far down the hill, I need you to catch up at some point.