Between Never and Forever

by Shain Rose

“It’s been a whole damn year, Kee. A year of me loving you, and a year of you wanting me to keep it a secret. For what?”

“You can have me here,” I whispered. “Just not out there.” “I want you every-fucking-where.”

Dex didn’t follow me. I knew he wouldn’t. I walked away from the love of my life as my friend hung on his arm like she belonged there.

“We’ve agreed that it would be best for you and your career. You’re almost eighteen. It’ll be great. Your image will be safer there. We’ll have you paired up with the best in the industry. You’ll give us some breathing room too for Mom to heal.”

Gone was the fire. Gone was the passion. In its place was the ice. A coldhearted Keelani had taken possession of the love of my life. Numb. Frozen. Maybe full of fear. I didn’t fucking know.

She stood up to escort me back, but I loved that woman about as much as I loved my own mother. “Sit down, Anela. Can I get you some water or something?”

“What’s stopping you?” “The news! You… You shouldn’t have saved me, Dex.” Her voice was broken and full of pain as she said it. “I’ll always save you, Kee. Don’t you get that?”

“Why are you making this hard? This wasn’t supposed to last, Dex. You know that.” “Of course it was,” I whispered to her. “We were always going to last. You sang to me that you’d love me forever.”

“No one is going to let me do shit when it comes to you. You’re my girlfriend.” “Ex-girlfriend,” she murmured. “What?” I stepped back like she’d pummeled me.

“I’ll never be your friend.” The words came out fast with fury. “I’ve told you I love you; I’ve promised myself to you. I want to marry you…not be your friend.” She gasped at my confession, yet I continued on. “You’ve always been my girl, my girlfriend, my future wife. Nothing less. Don’t you get that? I promised you forever, Kee.”

“You gonna tell him you're up here with me?” I whispered down to where he lay on the shingles. “No way in hell,” Dimitri whispered back. “He’ll be pissed I was up here ogling your ass.” “You’d better not be ogling my ass, you dick.”

“Is my brother up there with you?” Dex bellowed.

Dimitri was already crawling away when he turned his puppy dog eyes on me. “Stall so I can climb to the other side and get down. I’m going to be late for my date if he catches me.”

So I scoffed and went to the gutter myself to swing my body over and loop my hand in the metal. I was only half into my swing before his large, calloused hands found my bare waist. “Jesus. You want a broken leg? Is this how you take care of yourself without me around?”

He took two deep breaths as he looked down at my lips and his hands shook on me like he was trying to hold himself back. Then he whispered, “Fuck it,” before he slammed his mouth hard into mine, his full lips moving with the purpose of dominating mine.

“Dex.” Her body shuddered at my words, and then she wrapped her arms around her chest. Fuck, I wanted to hold her. I wanted to tell her we’d be all right.

“I don’t know, Kee. All I know is that you said you didn’t love me once.” “I didn’t mean it.” I stepped back and away from her. “Yes, well, I mean it when I say I don’t love you now.” I didn’t mean it either.

“Do I have to look at your sad face for the next six months every time I bring up my brother? Because I can’t handle it. I hate when women cry.” Dimitri sighed and sat down on my hotel room’s couch next to where I was getting my makeup done.

My overly ambitious intern-turned-PR strategist and hairstylist, Olive, pulled my thick dark hair into a bun as she wrinkled her tiny nose and snorted.

The romance novels were my escape and mine alone.

“I knew it.” Pink clapped her hands together and smiled big. “I was nervous I was going to have to do boring makeup for a half a year.” “Well, that is my brand, and I—” “You’ve got the casino backing you now. Do you know what that means?” “Well, no, because—” “It means you can do whatever the fuck you want. Bane and Dex aren’t going to let anything happen to you.”

turned to look back in the mirror and sighed. “I have a good brand.” “That you hate.” Olive nudged Pink, like they were a team.

“Fine,” I whispered and glanced at Olive. “Redo my hair. Add more eyeshadow too.” Pink laughed almost maniacally, and Olive whooped. “Please make me look amazing. I want him to salivate even if he hates me.”

sang about a love that would never be lost. I sang about him. About forever with Dex, even if I couldn’t have it.

But then Pink’s words came back to me. Do whatever the fuck you want. Bane and Dex aren’t going to let anything happen to you. They take care of what’s theirs. So, show them what you’re made of.

“I’m fucking married, Dex. Get a grip.” My oldest brother’s jaw ticked. “She’s singing our first dance song. Then, she’s singing at this casino. Then”—he glanced at all of us and smiled like they’d come up with the best plan ever—“I put her in the same apartment building as you for the next six months.

“Being engaged to Ethan for six months won’t be that hard, Keelani,” Mitchell’s irritated voice ground out over the phone.

He pulled me in for a hug and said, “Mitchell called him. It’s go time, babe.” Then, he kissed me so theatrically, I was surprised the paps even took a photo.

Still, I smiled and said quietly through clenched teeth, “I’ll cut your balls off if you do that again. I’m saying yes, but I’m freaking mad at you, Ethan.”

“Marry me and make me the happiest man alive? I want to share with the world how well we harmonize together.”

Ew.

“Yeah. Maybe I should come up there and—” “Not happening.” It wasn’t my voice but Dex’s, from behind me, that cut through Ethan’s proposition.

“Keelani, we have business to discuss.” His date was gone, but mine didn’t get lost so easily. “It’s almost midnight,” Ethan retorted. “And she’s still working. She’s contracted for this wedding.” At that point, Dimitri made his way over. “I’ll take Keelani back to her room.” “Nope.” Dex shook his head. “Kee’s coming with me.” “Dex—” “Dimitri, I’m this close.” His voice shook, full of emotion. I didn’t know if it was anger or disgust.

Luck hadn’t been on my side then. And it wasn’t now either. I pulled the lever again.

Dex set his drink down slowly on my slot machine and walked up behind me before he bent down so his mouth was close to my ear. Then, he whispered, “You come to my casino, my resort, have your fuckboy of a boyfriend propose on my property. And you’re wearing his ring like it belongs on your finger. Tell me it’s a joke. Say. It.”

“Technically, since I own most of this place, I’m paying you, heartbreaker.”

“You won’t be engaged to him here in this resort. I won’t allow it.” “You’re kidding.”

“They own me, Dex; I’m not going to tell them no. It doesn’t work like that. They want me engaged for publicity and to push sales here at the resort. It’s a win-win.” “So you want to marry him?” He said it louder now, with emphasis. “Dex, I’m not… I don’t want to marry anyone, and—” He leaned against a slot machine and crossed one ankle over the other as if he had all the time in the world. “So you don’t want to marry him? Which is it?”

Then I asked softly, “Does it really even matter?” His eyes widened and he combed a hand through his hair as I saw his jaw dance up and down. “Yes, it fucking matters, Kee. What type of question is that? Do you seriously have that little of a backbone after all these years?”

“And my marital status shouldn’t matter to you.” I glanced around now, irritated that he wanted to talk about who I was with when I knew he’d been with a woman earlier that night. “Shouldn’t you be worrying about the woman you were here with tonight?” He rubbed at the stubble on his chin before he admitted, “I sent her home.” “Why?”

“Because I could only look at you all night.” He combed a hand through his thick hair. “I’ve been with her for two years, and it’s been damn near fifteen years without you,” he said, and his voice suddenly held all the pain I felt. “And yet I hear your voice on that stage, look at you singing, and I still only want you.”

He clenched his jaw. “But when I’m with someone else, I still picture you…and I’m sick of it.”

So I moved to brush past him, but he caught me at his side and pulled us over to a corner where he could lean in and whisper, “You picture me every time you fuck your fiancé, too, Kee?”

“They won’t agree. They need me to look like I’m going to marry someone. They want the publicity. Without the engagement, there’s no story and—” “Then you get engaged to me.” “What?” I hadn’t heard him right, surely. “Get engaged to me. Give them the story of a lifetime.”

I scoffed. “It’s not happening, Dex. I’m not marrying you.” “You either marry me, heartbreaker, or you don’t get married at all.”

Dex Hardy, in a three-piece suit and all grown up, stood in front of me, ready to take over my world. And then he leaned in close and whispered in my ear, “Because your ass knows. You’re not marrying anyone but me.”

“If you say you’re with Ethan Phillipe one more fucking time, I’ll bring him here and make him admit to everyone your engagement is a fuck-up of a sham. Maybe I’ll make him admit how many times he’s fucked you too.” I rolled my eyes, because I could only tell him we were fake so many times. “What if he says it was a million?”

“You want him to die, don’t you? He must have been real fucking annoying over the years if you’re willing to goad me into punching him a million times.”

“You do realize the fact that I have to act like sweet Keelani all the time in front of people makes me less sweet behind closed doors.” He hummed. “I think I might enjoy the sour version of you after all this time.”

“I need to finish out this contract, Dex. I’m not going to change your mind about me. So, believe what you want. I don’t care.”

“You don’t care? You don’t care that for years I’ve had nightmares about you with him? And then dreams of fucking you away from him? You don’t care that I’m about to make that happen now?” “Just because I’d get fake engaged to you doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with—”