On the Line

by Naomi Loud

I placated him as best I could, unwilling to have another one of our classic public fights when this was much more important.

“Thanks for the help.” I don’t mean it. But there’s a lot I tell Zachary that I don’t truly mean just to pacify him.

I try to remind myself not to get lost in those feelings. Romanticizing the past has always been one of my favorite activities.

I don’t know what caused it but one thing I know for sure is that it’s somehow my fault. My mind suddenly flies into high alert, quickly trying to decipher what previous actions could be to blame.

I’ve never been so humbled than when my employment history was staring back at me on a white sheet of paper … It screamed rich kid who barely worked a day in her life.

It’s a bizarre feeling having to constantly defend myself for things I haven’t even done.

I’m tired but still wired and when I finally manage to fall asleep my dreams are filled with anxiety-ridden scenarios of overbooked tables and spilled drinks.

I never know what will set him off, so I constantly walk on eggshells. Even when he’s not around.

But the most important thing I’ve learned is that the best place to cry is the walk-in fridge.

I love him. I pretend I like it. I love him. I pretend. I love him.

If I didn’t notice everything wrong with this house, from the cracks in the leaky ceiling to the dirty walls, the image of them eating breakfast at the kitchen table could almost be wholesome.

I’d crawl on my hands and knees to have you on my tongue again.

She’s mine—until she finds someone more deserving.

what a sad thing to say

“I just.” I try to pull away, but Ozzy doesn’t let me. “I just want to forget what he did … what he let happen, but I can’t.” My voice cracks.

She’s James Ferdinand. And I’m down bad.

I guess I’m just not used to people choosing to spend time with me. Not like this anyway. Like I’m the most important part of his day.

The reflex of minimizing my artistic skill is second nature. Even if, deep down, I know I’m that good. Instead, I blurt out, “Can I draw you?” My voice turns shy when I add, “Please?”

I kiss her like we have a lifetime in front of us. I kiss her like I won’t ruin this eventually.

I’d be down at the town hall right now, locking her down forever if it was up to me. She’s the one. There’s not a single doubt in my mind.

My first instinct is to verbally eviscerate him. Of course, he told the kids. He never did understand how parenting works.