Toxic

by Nicole Blanchard

To all the good girls who want to be railed by a psychopath

It’s a wonder something so mistreated can still respond to the cause of its neglect.

I never understood people who thought showers could make them clean. I feel just as dirty getting out of them as I do going in. There are some things water and soap just can’t wash away.

He's the devil incarnate, the snake that tempted Eve.

What kind of person wants more from a man like him? What kind of woman aches for another kiss from a criminal? Me. I want more. I want it all. I want it right here. Again. And again. And again.

I taste blood from where my teeth gouge my lower lip. Then he’s whispering into my ear, his voice like the devil himself. “You want it. You want it so fucking bad I can almost taste it.” Needy, animal sounds are my only answer. “I wanna give it to you, Tessa.” The tempo of his hips slows, and I nearly scream. “Let me give it to you.”

How is it possible that one man, someone who is supposed to uphold the law, can tear me down, and another, who is supposed to be the scum of the earth, can build me up?

“I’m playing a most dangerous game, and you’re the prize. Our deal is off, Tessa. I want you, and I’ll take you any way I can get you.”

What is broken inside me that I look for love in the worst places? Was it programmed inside me from birth or is it a product of my parent’s neglect? Am I just so fucked up that I’ll take affection wherever I can get it, even if it’s from the worst possible source?