Angels Before Man

by Rafael Nicolás

“You say all those things, and now I feel like I’m falling.” “Falling?” “Falling from up above, from Andromeda.” He hugged the basket in his hands and felt shivers rock him. “Falling because the weight of your words is too much, it’s too much. I think I’ll burst like a star.” “You are a star, brother,” Gabriel teased, then took Lucifer’s face in a palm, swiped away a tear with his other hand. “Father told me. He said, ‘Look at my morning star. My Lucifer.’”

‘How terribly lonely that must be, to be so beautiful that others think of you a thorn.’”

“I’ve decided to help you. From now on, I’ll carry some of your burden. Give half your beauty to me, Lucifer, and stare at me all that you wish.”

A hand that strikes from the dark is at least proof of a hand. It’s kinder to be beaten than to be left untouched.

It became that Lucifer felt strange without the other; he recognized it as a kind of dull pain within himself instantly, and it made him restless for the prince, for his voice, laugh, those dark, curly wood shavings of hair that Lucifer could run his fingers through eternally.

Lucifer had this realization that he was liked. He loved, and he was loved.

“Which is a shame, because if he could feel what I felt when I saw him, I think he’d be capable of anything.”

“Can you see it now?”

Yet — they also say that free will is a creation of God, and one must ask, then, if He has ever had will — if He has ever been capable of choice.

This, this here, could be worship. ‘This—’ Lucifer pressed an innocent kiss to the prince’s sweet, divine mouth. This could be religion.

“I daydream of you, of loving you.”

Michael’s gaze would possess him before his touch did.

‘Running your touch up my sides, threading your soul to mine.’

‘There is another Eden, within me. I have it nestled between the heat of love. This is love.’

“Even my heart?” “If you’re so nervous, you can leave it with me, and I’ll keep it safe.”

“a speck of light in the dark, but so bright, so much more beautiful than the rest.”

‘It makes you wonder who they really worship — Father or us two.’

“What do you plan to do with such an angel?” “I’d like to keep him.”

“Your beloved what, exactly? Beloved friend? Brother?” “Simply my beloved.”

‘You do not desire me.’ A pleased smile on Lucifer’s lips, as he lifted a tender gaze to his beloved, stern archangel’s face. ‘Because you know I am already yours.’

But, did you see, I felt the last of me extinguish; it came to me that it was no longer your name I prayed to.’

‘Michael, Michael, Michael,’ ‘I want to say it forever,’ ‘I can’t stop, it’s sweeter than honey on my tongue.’

‘My entire body throbbing in beats like a heart. Wanting to be yours.’

‘Devour me like a pomegranate and stain your tongue.’

‘In vain, I love you; in vain, the dawn streaming onto you, beside me; in vain, I want to be yours, your angel. Angel of love, angel of Michael.’

“Is Father good because He is good, or because He says He is good?”

‘i waited for your touch to save me’

“But, let me say that — before I saw you on the street, dancing and singing, I was never very joyous. I was content with serving Father, I felt I had no room to complain, but then you arrived. And being around you, I had so much joy I became irrational, and now— now, it’s all spilling out. You make my heart swell and rise, like smoke.”

And, suddenly, I’m questioning everything, asking myself if this is really paradise or if you are paradise.”

Haven’t you ever wondered why Father is so strict about our subservience? It’s because disobedience is creation,” a shivering breath, “create with me, Michael, and let’s call it sin.”

‘Bend me over the Throne and desecrate it with me.’

“Let me.” ‘Pray to this body, mold you into holy communion, cry your name like psalm.’ “Let me worship you.”

picked out rosewood. It was sweet, floral, and he mixed it with some light, leafy geranium.

At least I’ll be punished with dignity. I’ll have a purpose and a will, and all you angels, you will all remember. You might no longer love me, but you won’t be able to forget me.”

‘i waited for your touch to save me’

a hole had been punctured into this body and all his soul was spilling out, and there was nothing to return to anymore.

Why? All that I have ever wanted to know is why.”

“But He is good.” “Are we not also good?” Lucifer countered, and the angels kept looking among themselves, and the signs of rebellion brewed, restless.

‘Lucifer, what has happened to you? This can’t be true. I don’t want it to be — you’re supposed to be perfect, you’re His favorite. The Lord told me, as He made you.’

‘Does the Lord envy us this? Is it sin to love? Can it be death?’

Lucifer would bring out the envy of God, burn Him in it.

That’s all it is. The simple act of disobeying. God says be kind, but we choose sin instead. He says be pure, but we choose sin instead. Everything He demands, its opposite is sin.”

“I asked the Lord, once, if you were really an angel. I couldn’t convince myself you were. You made me feel like no other angel had. And He told me that you were simply Lucifer, His most loved creation. That you were temptation — beautiful, ripe, prohibited above all else.”

“Forbidden fruit.”

The forbidden — the only thing an omnipotent ...

“You’ve spoiled me dirty, ruined me.”

“You’re everything to me, the stars and the moons, the heat and the cold, the earth and the seeds, the waters and the flowers, but you are not God.”

“It was for us. It was always for us.”

‘Where is all the ambition I caught in your eyes? Or was your gaze just another mirror to me, and it was my own that I saw in you?’