Angels Before Man

by Rafael Nicolás

Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you EZEKIEL 28:17 (NIV)

Yet, Lucifer missed the darkness, longed for what had come before. This was his first wanting.

the wise know to be nostalgic for the good times even while they’re happening.

But we’re always looking for narratives, looking for meaning, looking for God. Even the angels.

“I’m not sure. All that time up there in the cosmos — I had nothing to do but think about you. I mean that.”

“Not long. I’ll find you. And if I’m told to take to the stars again, I’ll just take you with me.”

So if Lucifer had ever the choice, he might’ve decided to inspire the Lord’s hate, rather than His quiet displeasure.

A hand that strikes from the dark is at

least proof of a hand. It’s kinder to be beaten than to b...

‘I feel aged. I feel as if you’ve aged me with your own hands, Michael. Ripened me. Like a red fruit, at the edge of a branch, hanging at its peak. Beautiful — and just about to fall.’

This, this here, could be worship. ‘This—’ Lucifer pressed an innocent kiss to the prince’s sweet, divine mouth. This could be religion.

“These robes were a gift, the same way my beauty was. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Isn’t this paradise? Why should I spend eternity disliking myself?!”

“The superior are burdened with the hunger to harm, but mercy is resisting temptation, and mercy is what creates splendor.”

‘In vain, I love you; in vain, the dawn streaming onto you, beside me; in vain, I want to be yours, your angel. Angel of love, angel of Michael.’

“Disobedience did not exist before Lucifer; when we see the weeds of it sprout once again

from him, we must crush the shoots. Do not get so distracted.”

“Everyone’s affections. They all love me, all the angels of Father, Gabriel, and Michael. Everyone adores me — but what about you, Uriel? You’re not pleasant to be around. The only reason anyone will even look at you is that silly little title you’re obsessed with. You live alone, don’t you? You don’t talk with anybody, and I certainly don’t see anyone ever making an effort to speak to you. All this love in Heaven, and you get none of it, because you’re so deeply unlikable that no one will even bother to be your friend.” His voice had taken on a musically taunting ring. “Poor little brother — all alone, with not any angel who loves him.”

“I thought earlier that if Father scolds me over being your friend again, I’d have to argue, that if He punishes me, I’d have to resist. You don’t know this, but since your muteness, I’ve fought with Him; I’ve said I don’t understand how He can be furious with us, hurting you, when He knows everything, when He can see eternity, when He should have seen this when He made you, when He made me. And, suddenly, I’m questioning everything, asking myself if this is really paradise or if you are paradise.”

Haven’t you ever wondered why Father is so strict about our subservience? It’s because disobedience is creation,” a shivering breath, “create with me, Michael, and let’s call it sin.”

‘I’m having so much fun creating and inventing. Just yesterday, I thought up a few new words: cock and cunt and fucking.’

“I want your cock so heavy on my tongue that it breaks my jaw.”

“Do we ask the fruits or the flowers, that we,” Lucifer spat it, and some angels startled, “have planted and grown, to worship us? Do we demand the towers and bridges we’ve built to sing our praises forever? Do we say to our wine, ‘Kneel and beg for mercy?’”

“Because we’re so above these things that we do not need, do not even desire, to be venerated by them. If God is so all-powerful, then what does He gain from our servitude? What does one derive from subjugating meek, tiny creatures? Do any of you see dignity in punishing a rose that cannot defend itself from you?”

“That must be it, right, brothers? Or else why hold us captive, all to Himself, and just for Him, because it’s forbidden to love one another more than we do Him. Why? All that I have ever wanted to know is why.”

‘Jealous God,’ the angel mocked. ‘Jealous God. Jealous God! All-knowing creature who can never know devotion.’ Never a fond kiss, nor a desiring touch. ‘Does the Lord envy us this? Is it sin to love? Can it be death?’ This would be His death, the proud angel decided; Lucifer would bring out the envy of God, burn Him in it.

“It doesn’t have a good definition, but you know that disobeying Father used to be unthinkable — so I made a word for it. That’s all it is. The simple act of disobeying. God says be kind, but we choose sin instead. He says be pure, but we choose sin instead. Everything He demands, its opposite is sin.”

“But to disobey like this? This is too much, too far.”

“I asked the Lord, once, if you were really an angel. I couldn’t convince myself you were. You made me feel like no other angel had. And He told

me that you were simply Lucifer, His most loved creation. That you were temptation — beautiful, ripe, prohibited above all else.” Michael’s voice lingered feverish against the skin of Lucifer’s throat. “Forbidden fruit.” Then, his teeth, pressing down slow, tender, biting.

“You’re everything to me, the stars and the moons, the heat and the cold, the earth and the seeds, the waters and the flowers, but you are not God.”

“Evil is what He chooses, so is good. But we could define it on our terms. I know that we could. We can find our own morality, in each other, in the love and pain of one another.”

“If I’m perfect, then I can’t lose.”

‘You’ll say you hate me and lock me for a thousand years, but then you’ll set me free. Father loves all His creation, I sang it in a psalm once, and you smiled. In wrath, you will still love me, won’t you? You will always love me.’

“We might not win,” Lucifer replied, and there was a disgruntled buzz among the crowd, “but

there is no defeat for us anymore. We have left our mark on Heaven, and we have broken free from His will. Now we know the furthest extents of pleasure and pain, that He forbid us from ever exploring, and no matter if He casts eternal nightmares on us, if He destroys us, if He silences us — He cannot take this away.”

“I will bring forth the fire from your own actions,” said the Lord, as Lucifer thrashed against Michael, who held him captive in gold and held his weapon high. “I will burn you to ashes upon the Earth in the sight of all those who have adored you. All who know you will be appalled at your fate; you will come to a terrible end, I will destroy you forever.”

“Because you have corrupted my creation, and turned yourself into a Beast, you will be cast down from Heaven.”

“You will be the most cursed creature, and you shall eat dust all the days of your life.”

“You have broken the covenant with the angels. They will all suffer because of what you have done. And you will no longer be an angel, nor will you have that name.”

And, finally, the God stood, and He was the one who cast Lucifer down, taking him like when he was created, delicate and pretty in His palm, eyes blinking up, full of wonder, a little smile. He let him slip, through His fingers. Fall.

“From the animals on Earth, I will make one in our image, according to our likeness,” and the host stared in confusion, “and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle in all the Earth, and over every creeping thing. I will call this being Man. Because you have broken the covenant, you will all have to bow for the new creation. You will worship and minister to him as you do me, and you will love his children and nurture them, knowing they will inherit Heaven from you. You will rebuild the eternal paradise, for Man.”

“I thought that might be His own tragedy. He will always want company, after having only known to be alone for eternities before

this one, but He is so Great, He will never have it. Father can create and destroy, but not Himself; He is indivisible, He cannot break Himself down. He will never see another and say, ‘This person is like me,’ because there is only one God.”

The demons fashioned him a crown of bones, thorns, and weeds that gave him the illusion of having horns. And they loved him.