Assassins Anonymous

by Rob Hart

I follow his gaze to where the knife is sticking out of my left side. “Oh, thank god,” I say, gently touching the edges of the wound.

That just stings. Kozyol means “goat” but is pretty much Russian for “motherfucker.” Kotenok means “kitten.” And also he stabbed me. Just, overall this guy is a dick.

It’s a safe assumption to make—I don’t lose anything by being wrong, but I gain a lot if I’m right. Such as: not being stabbed.

What are you going to do? Amend him to death?

At times, because of one man’s evil, ten thousand people suffer. So you kill that one man to let the tens of thousands live. Here, truly, the blade that deals death becomes the sword that saves lives. —Yamamoto Tsunetomo, Hagakure: The Way of the Samurai

And I looked, and behold a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was Death.

And hell followed with him.

as soon as we stepped outside the airport, the humidity hugged me like that weird uncle you try to avoid: way too tight and in all the wrong places.

This is terrible for my recovery.

He’s a smart cat. I mean, he’s not, he’s burned his tongue five separate times chewing through electrical wires. But he probably had the sense to seek refuge under the bed.

“The difference between humility and humiliation is willingness,”

“Let’s go kill a whole bunch of people.”

It isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you down. It’s the pebble in your shoe. —Muhammad Ali

“Hi, I’m Mark,” I say, trying not to pay too much attention to Lavigne so as not to tip him off, “and I’m a killer.”

What do you get someone who used to murder people for a living?

Hardware stores, a hitman’s best friend.

He stabbed me. Stuck it in, pulled it out, didn’t even offer to buy me dinner first.

Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing. —Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

“Don’t say you were doing your job. Bunch of brown people get uppity, try to fight back, so they send in the white Terminator to take care of them. Though I guess that’s a tale as old as time.” “Hey…” “What?” “…I killed a lot of white people, too.”

I physically facepalmed on Mark. My boy, that's not what you're supposed to say.

The only thing I know for sure in this moment is: I can’t kill myself now. What would happen to the cat?

“I want to kill someone. Anyone. Literally, anyone. I mean, not you.

I’m not a man. I’m a tactical drone with a heartbeat and a dairy allergy.

“I’m sorry for all the times I called you dumb,” I tell him. “You saved my life. You are a good cat, and I love you, and I hope to see you again, okay? Either way, thank you.”

Funny the way life comes full circle. My career with them started, and will officially end, with jumping off a roof.

Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame. —Brené Brown

“She is not a fan of me, it seems.” “I’m going to wear your skin to FaceTime your mother,”

“You wanted me, here I am,” the Pale Horse says.

“Yesterday matters,” she says. “Tomorrow matters more.”