More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“You’re old enough now, so listen carefully, my boy.” Dad jams the gun against Mom’s forehead and she stares up at him with her usual haughty defiance, not even a single tear escaping her lids. “This is how you punish traitors, no matter how close they are to you.” He pulls the trigger. A loud bang echoes through our surroundings as hot liquid splashes onto my face.
wtf that is not okay 😭😭😭 no wonder Adrian has issues
Life is slowly leaving Lia, and soon, it’ll be all gone. Everything about her will be only a part of my memories. Not if I have a say in it. She might have jumped from a cliff to escape me, but that won’t be happening in this life. She’s my wife. My son’s mother. Fucking mine. And I’ll go through hell itself if it means keeping her there.
😭😭😭😭😭
She doesn’t realize that she’s experiencing a memory loss and has invented a new identity to fill the gaps.”
Ughhhh
“Do you still keep in touch with your colleague from the Spetsnaz who was excellent at disguise makeup?” “Yes. What do you need him for?” “Yan.” “Yan?” “Your colleague will disguise Yan so he can keep an eye on Lia.”
Awwww wait this is adorable
“A homeless person. Put Lia in the shelter that’s under our protection and make sure to tell Richard that she’s to be treated with care, but hide her identity from him. He’s never met her before, so it shouldn’t be hard.” “Boss, are you sure about this?” “Yes, Kolya. I’ll let her believe the lie. If she wants to be Winter, so be it.” Because sooner or later, her path will be a one-way road to me.
LARRY WAS YAN???
The second is pride in my Lenochka. She fought because that’s what she is deep down. A fighter.
Lia was never an alcoholic and she’s not one now either. She just believes she’s Winter—and because Winter was an alcoholic, Lia thinks she is as well. I make sure Yan dilutes her beer when she’s not looking. I won’t allow her to develop an addiction that she’ll regret. My wife is wearing a coat and shoes that
probably shouldn’t be talking to her, in case she has a panic attack like in the hospital, but I couldn’t resist. I miss her. I miss my Lia, and the fact that she doesn’t remember me has been eating at my soul like the crashing waves that swallowed her that night.
🥺🥺🥺🥺
I was wrong, of course. So utterly wrong. And I would’ve made a huge mistake had it not been for Adrian. He brought me back. That thought causes my heart to thump wildly in my chest, slamming against my ribcage. Even when I chose to be Winter, my husband got me back and treated me as Lia.
🥹🥹🥹🥹
Even if my insides are shriveling at the thought of being rejected, even if my mind is still swimming with a million gloomy scenarios, I know one thing for certain. I need to keep Adrian. I have to stop him from closing himself off to me.
🤭🤭🤭🤭
And the only way to do that is to use the methods he did when he wanted me with him. Before my nerves get the better of me, I lower myself on my knees. This time, I’ll be the one who gives.
Due to his indifference, I went crazy the first time. I went so crazy that I thought it was a good idea to send a strange lookalike to him, and then I jumped off a cliff. I don’t think I can do that anymore. I can’t handle that side of him. So I choose to do something I never have.
Yes that’s the issues part of your relationship there you thought he didn’t care and in fact he cared too much 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I want to deny it, to tell him that I thought I was an imposter, that I was jealous of my own self because I didn’t have him. Because I believed he loved another woman and not me.
“Used Jeremy to force his hand. That’s what his mother did. She used Boss so his father would do things her way. Needless to say, he hates it.” Shit. Just when I think I’m making things better, they end up being way worse.
😭😭😭😭😭
I need to pay Dr. Taylor a visit because I have to prevent that from happening again. Feeling like another person, a stranger, in the company of my son and husband was the worst experience I’ve ever had to endure. Worse than being trapped in the black box as a child. Worse than the ending of my career.
That is such growth in her mental health
“Don’t apologize for a situation you had no control over. Mental illness isn’t something to be sorry about.” Tears surge to my eyes and I widen them to stop them from spilling. “Thanks.”
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
After I told him I cheated on him, Adrian stopped kissing me, and that killed me slowly. Now that he’s back to it, that must mean he believes me, right?
😭😭😭
“I…was also attracted to you.” “Hmm. You were?” “So much so that I secretly hated your wife. I wanted to claw her eyes out.” “You were jealous of yourself?” I hide my face in his chest as I nod.
🤭🤭🤭🤭
stand up, forcing him to release me as I wrap my arms around his waist. “I think we’re the most compatible we could ever be.” “What gave you that idea?” “First of all, we gave birth to the most beautiful angel alive and no one but us could be Jeremy’s parents. Second, you know my body better than I ever would and…you saved me from myself. Not to mention, you didn’t mistake me for another woman. You get extra points for that.” “Extra points, huh?” “Uh-huh.” “Do I get to use them tonight?” I grin. “Absolutely.”
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
In my utter delight, I catch a glimpse of Winter’s open eyes glaring at me. I blink once, but her eyes are closed. Holy shit.
😱
“That’s right. I am. I’m gonna be big as you and protect Mommy when I grow up.” “And what am I going to do then?” “It’s okay. You can protect her too.” Too. As in he’s being benevolent by allowing me into her life. The little rascal is taking after Yan, I swear.
😂😂😂😂😂
But there’s one thing my dear wife seems to forget. She once labeled me her villain, and that’s the most accurate label she’s ever given me. As is true with any villain, right or wrong is never black or white. It’s always gray.
But in order to keep her and shield her mind, I need to stop being forceful with her fragile mentality. I’ll wait until she rebuilds herself and stand with her every step of the way. One day, she’ll realize that the world we live in doesn’t matter. We’re the only ones who do.
Adrian puts Jeremy down and our son sprints in different directions before he gawks at the snow from the glass door that opens up to the balcony. “Mommy! Can we make a snowman?”
“He just did something easy and I’m the one who was pregnant with you for nine months, then gave birth to you.” “Something easy?” Adrian drawls. “Shut up,” I whisper-hiss. Jeremy stares between us, eyes widening like whenever he figures out something. “If it’s easy, do it again and give me a baby sister.” “It’s not that easy,” I blurt. “But you just said it is, Mommy. Can’t you do it again? I want a baby sister.” He pulls on Adrian’s coat. “Papa, please?”
ADORABLEEEEEE
Just when I pull back, he captures my lips in a slow, all-consuming kiss that steals my breath and apparently my logic, because for a brief second, I forget Jeremy is there. I place a hand on his chest and push him away. He releases my lips with a low growl. Jeremy stares at us with a grin, and even as my cheeks burn, I can’t help but grin back. Because this moment? This peace? It feels like the beginning of our happiness. If only the ghosts from the past don’t catch up to us.
😍😍😍😍😍😍
Ever since we stepped foot in Russia a week ago, he seems to have left all his burdens back in the States and is giving me the one thing I’ve always wanted—him.
😍😍😍😍😍
“He’s right.” Yan rolls his eyes. “Don’t be fooled by the silent façade. Boss is competitive to a fault and makes sure to win at everything.”
slap my hand against his cheek, staring up at the peaceful look in his gray eyes. “Did you know, you’re sooo beautiful?”
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
squeal as he sweeps me off the floor and into his arms, and then I break into a fit of laughter. Happiness. I’ve never dared to dream about it before, but this must be what it feels like to be happy, and now, I’m finally daring to experience it to its fullest. Please let it stay this way forever.
Obsessed 😍😍😍
“I love you,” she whispers against my mouth, her breath stuttering. “I love you so much, Adrian.”
FINALLY😍😍
“Wake up, Adrian. You’re a traitor to the Bratva because of her and if you don’t use your brain, you’ll be executed by Sergei. I don’t give a fuck if you kill me, but I will not allow you to die now after how far you’ve come.” I breathe so harshly, my pulse roars in my ears. My chest aches to the point that it’s about to explode, because I know, deep down, that Kolya is right. And this might as well be the end.
😭😭😭😭
One thing’s for sure, something changed between us last night, because, in a way, I feel closer to him now more than ever. But it hurt to confess my feelings for the second time and get silence again.
🥹🥹🥹
“No, never! I…I wanted to tell you all about it but couldn’t muster the courage. You…you can be so scary sometimes and I didn’t want us to lose what we have.” “Well, congratulations. We already did.” My heart falls to the bottom of my stomach. The room spins around, and although I’m sitting, it feels as if I will fall in a heap on the ground.
😭😭😭
“I trusted you, Lia, even more than I trusted myself. You were the light I wasn’t allowed to have and I did everything I could to protect it and not let it burn out. You were the only purity I saw in the world and I did my hardest not to tarnish it. In my own fucked-up way, I wanted to preserve you, to go against my nature and keep you, but I should’ve known it was only a pipe dream.” “You did. You protected me, you…gave me a reason to live after I thought everything was over. I always called you a monster, but it took forgetting you to realize you’re the monster I need. So…please…please give
...more
😭😭😭😭😭😭
“I didn’t understand my emotions at the time, but I do now. I do love you, Lia. I always have. But my form of love isn’t sweetness or
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
softness. It’s nothing noble or delicate. My love is selfish and villainous. My love is the type where I will kill people to protect you and erase others to avenge you. My love is possessive, obsessive, and knows no boundaries, not when I first met you and certainly not now.”
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
“Adrian!” I shriek, running after him. “Adrian, no! Don’t leave me…don’t!” My foot gets stuck in the snow and I stumble, but I continue hobbling after the car as it slowly disappears. “No, no…” Loud, haunted sobs echo in the air and I realize they’re mine when my lungs burn with the need to catch up to him, to prevent him from walking to his own death. “Adrian! Adrian!!” I scream at the top of my lungs. My feet give out and I fall to my knees in the middle of the snow.
IM CRYING FOR HER 😭😭😭😭
A weight has been pressing on my chest since I left Russia. Or more accurately, since I left Lia. The view of her running after me, crying and screaming in the middle of the freezing snow, still plays at the back of my head on repeat.
I’m so sad
And she did it for me. Lia, who used to tremble in front of a gun, killed someone to protect me. I probably shouldn’t be proud of that fact, but I am.
😭😭😭😭😭
He releases a deep sigh, staying silent for a beat too long. “Is it worth it?” “Is what worth it?” “Losing everything for her?” A small smile grazes my lips. “Absolutely.”
OBSESSED😍😍😍 that’s a man in love right there
Because even though I performed the act of living before, I’ve never truly lived until Lia came into my life. I meant what I told Kolya earlier, Lia is worth failing my system, digging my own grave, and putting myself in this unfavorable position. I would do it all over again if it means having her.
😍😍😍😍😍😍
Fuck my father and fuck Igor. Despite everything, marrying Lia was the best decision I’ve made in my life.
😍😍😍😍😍😍
“Where’s Papa, Mommy?” I hug Jeremy to my chest, smoothing his hair. “He’s not here, my angel, but Mommy will get him back.”
He scoffs. “No way in hell. I told Boss I would protect you with my life and that’s what I intend to do. Also, don’t even think about exchanging me with Boris. One, he’s boring. Two, I’m younger and better to look at.”
“Yes, though it was a bit of an accident. She didn’t take my engagement to my current wife well and held a knife so I’d leave her alone. I was trying to disarm her when she cut me. That was the last time I saw her.” “How come you…didn’t hurt her for it?” “I hurt her enough by choosing another woman over her. You, however, I didn’t know about. If I had, it would’ve been different.”
🥹🥹🥹🥹
But that was before I married Lia. At some point, protecting her became my life’s priority and I survived if not for anything, then for that purpose alone. Now that it’s impossible for me to live, I can’t stop thinking about how her life will be after I’m gone.
😍😍
“I believe it.” Kyle takes Rai’s hand in his and kisses her knuckles. He’s lean, too pretty for his own good, and British. “If someone touched my wife, I would slaughter them with my bare hands, even if they were the damn president.” At least he understands.
EXACTLY
“Winter…I don’t know why you’re pretending to be comatose, but it’s better if you wake up and tell me.” Nothing.
😂😂😂😂
“With time, yes. Isn’t that what you wanted all along? A life away from me?” “Idiot. Fucking idiot. You think I can live away from you when you’re the one who gave meaning to my life?” I sniffle. “I only said those words because of my fears and never once meant them.”
😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
