Skin of a Sinner

by Avina St. Graves

“I’m sorry, Princess. I didn’t mean to wake you.” It’s him. He’s here. He’s back.

He was never meant to come back after he tore my heart from my chest and handed me to the wolves to feast on.

Three years ago, to the day, he showed me that I was no one. That’s what hurts the most, because he wasn’t just anyone; he was everything to me. He was every smile that curved my lips, every laugh that rattled my chest, every dream that didn’t end in tears. Everything meant nothing when compared to him. But to him, I was nothing.

There was a time I was willing to give him every fractured piece of my heart. I thought he loved every broken part of me. He said I was perfect. But Roman Riviera is a liar.

Her voice is so soft and delicate, like a princess who always has flowers in her hair, a big puffy dress, and a blinding smile.

She shouldn’t be so giving. Someone is going to take advantage of it one day and hurt her.

I’ve never liked my name. No one has ever said it with any sort of love or care. It’s thrown around like some kind of insult.

Her name triggers some distant memory. “I’ll call you Bella.” Because she’s the only person I’ve ever met who deserves to be called pretty. Even with her messed up hair and inside-out ripped t-shirt.

Where would I go? I wasn’t the one who left in the first place.

I was always meant to be broken by the boy who put me together.

The sight of his back as he walks away would be enough, and nothing would put me back together.

I wanted not just to be loved but to feel it too.

Sometimes when angels fall, the serpents devour them. Other times, they learn to live with them.

“I’d say rest in peace, but I hope you n...

I know he wouldn’t hurt me physically. But I’d rather have scars on my body than my soul.

“You fucked with my girl.” Roman chuckles darkly, glancing at me before saying, “And you should never fuck with my girl.”

You should never run. You can climb, and you might be able to hide, but you never run.

They can’t just take her away from me. They can’t.

“My memories could never compare to the reality of you. Don’t you realize you were made for me? We were made for each other.”

We might be a match, but matches burn. Stories end even when the love hasn’t died.

“Go to Hell.” His laugh is pure mirth and carnal sin. “You’ll be right there with me. You’re my favorite sin.”

There wasn’t a single secret between us for almost twelve years, and now I don’t even know how to speak to him and break the silence. The dynamic between us has shifted. It’s no longer the princess and her knight. It’s something far simpler: the prisoner and her captor.

“When will it end?” He smirks. “When I’m in a grave, and even then, Hell won’t keep me from you.”

“Don’t worry. If you break, I’ll put you back together. If you run, I’m running right behind you. If you burn, I’ll burn with you.”

Usually, I had my own thoughts to keep me going, but they left with her.

Somebody hurt her. Somebody laid a fucking hand on her. I don’t care who he is; he’s a dead man.

She’s not allowed to disappear again. I won’t let it happen.

The feeling of her pressed against me, holding me as if I actually mean something to her... it's nothing like all the times before.

This? This is the world colliding and the stars aligning. More than a thousand words are strung together in a thousand different ways.

“You will never be alone again. I swear on my life. Wherever you go, I’ll be right there. We’ll always find each other. I’m not going anywhere. It’s a promise. We’re forever, Princess, and nothing will ever come between us. Do you understand?”

Roman has many faces. Most of them, he never shows to the outside world. This side of him? It’s all for me.

But the sad truth is that, even if I’m meant to be loved, it will never be permanent.

Maybe I am beautiful—even though I've never seen myself that way—or maybe I'm not. Beauty isn’t just something you put on or become blessed with from genetics. It’s a feeling that doesn’t need a mirror or a photo for proof or validation.

“When will you realize there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you?”

“You’d get on your knees for me if I asked. Does that make me your god, Princess?”

He deserves the whole world, and I wish I could give it to him.

“A year and one day from today, you’re not going to be able to walk. Because once I get my hands on you, you’ll be ruined.”

Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to, and don’t cry for help when you’re drowning. The only things that can save you are the answers you never asked for.

She’s more than a dream. She doesn’t compare to my wildest imagination.

This girl was made for me, my own princess. I would give up everything for a single hit—my perfect drug.

I fought against my urges and let her walk out of there in one piece. I tore myself away from her when I only wanted to consume her whole. If I could live in her skin, I would. I don’t think she gets that.

I’m her loyal servant, always have been, and always will be. She’s my purpose, my home.

My religion starts with “Isa” and ends with “Bella,” and I’d worship at her altar every night. Blessed be the meal I’m about to eat and all that.

Her skin is so smooth, so perfect. I may make art, but she is art made flesh. Every stroke, every color. Masterpiece doesn’t come close to describing her.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I’d die if it would make her happy.

It’s kind of pathetic that I haven’t felt a glimmer of happiness since the day he disappeared, and there doesn’t seem to be any joy waiting for me in my future.

Say too much, and they think you’re leading them on. Say the wrong thing, and they might kill you. The joys of womanhood.

I want to live a life with a full heart. As immeasurable as it is, I’ll know when I get there.

The weakest people are the ones who lash out when they get rejected.

Why do these men need to be coddled when being turned down? Why do I need to be polite when they’re the ones who started it? Can’t I just say ‘no’?