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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Debbie Mirza
Read between
September 21 - September 25, 2025
Gail’s mother was a pillar in the community, a volunteer in her church.
Also, her birthdays were either completely uneventful, or a big extravagant party to impress others,
When you live with a covert narcissist, it is common to feel let down, followed by shame for not being appreciative.
The majority of them said they considered their mom to be their best friend until they were well into adulthood.
Oftentimes CN parents will set up their kids to think they won’t be able to handle life on their own, so the children form an unhealthy dependency.
“I felt like I should be grateful for my mom because her childhood was worse. I didn’t feel like it was okay to feel my own sadness.”
so they see their CN parent’s behavior as normal since it is all they know.
They will act like the victim and blame the other parent or the child for things
that are in fact true of the CN.
When in your experience “the nicest person in the world” turned out to be the most damaging, it is hard to trust anyone.
You believe whatever is wrong with your sex life is your fault, which is exactly what the CN wants you to think.
When you have sex with a CN, their pleasure is the most important thing; it is all about how they feel. You get the message you don’t deserve pleasure and are subtly punished for having your own feelings, reactions, and confusion about what is happening in the bedroom. Your feelings don’t matter to the CN.
When Dawn dated her CN, the sex was great! They seemed to have an amazing connection.
They have to have something they can hold over you in order to control and manipulate you.
she could no longer be his supply, so after 18 years of marriage, he was done. He moved out and a few months later moved on to another target.
Often what we don’t notice with these relationships is what doesn’t happen, what isn’t there. Dawn’s
Sex is always confusing when you are with a covert narcissist—you never ever feel good enough. I’ve talked to both men and women, and it is the same story every time. Not having orgasms is also a common theme with survivors. When your body doesn’t feel safe with someone, it can’t relax and have its natural release. Your body knows way before your mind figures things out.
He was emotionally immature, but she didn’t see that because she had also experienced years of kindness and tenderness from this man.
had to tell him what to do.
felt like it was all up to me to make it work. I felt like I was just there to make him feel good about himself.
body felt limp, like there was no life in him.”
would sometimes say nice compliments about my body. He gave her intermittent reinforcement.
Sex is a reflection of the truth of your relationship.
Through years of disguised abuse, that life, that light within them, slowly diminished without notice. They accepted this as who they were, unaware the singing had stopped, forgetting the dancers they used to be.
The discard will feel sudden, but the reality is the CN has been planning it for a long time without you knowing.
To give perspective, this often happens to victims after 20 years of marriage. Some I talked to experienced this after 30, even 40 years of marriage.
The CN will make it very clear they are done but won’t take any action to end the marriage because their reputation is their number-one priority and
they don’t want to look like the bad guy/gal. Some
The victims are painted as the ones who didn’t try and who ended the relationship, singlehandedly breaking up a family.
Know this: things are never as they appear with CNs. It is not perfect. The CN is not truly happy and never will be. These people are filled with silent rage and no empathy.
email from her CN’s sister telling her this divorce was all her fault.
They don’t want you to be happy. They don’t want to see you doing well.
Normal people move on whereas CNs don’t.
they are a parent, they also affect your children.
CNs will try to give you the least amount of money possible and extract it from you as soon as they possibly can.
Children are also supplies for the CNs, and they will align with the child who gives them no conflict, but still thinks they are a good, innocent person.
If their CN dad or mom speaks badly about you to them, they need to know that’s not acceptable.
we don’t really know for sure why they abuse, and it doesn’t really matter.
One man I talked to who was married for 25 years to a CN still feels sorry for his ex-wife, believing she treats him badly because she is wounded and needs love.
“She doesn’t know how to love because she didn’t have a good mom.”
In some ways, they are not conscious because they do not live consciously. They are out of touch with who they really are. They have lost themselves, their soul identity. They are shells of their real self. But, on the other hand, judging, criticizing, and manipulating are conscious acts. The more jealous they get of you, the more they demean you. To belittle and demean is a conscious act.
It’s just hard for our brains to accept this when we have seen them as they wanted us to see them for such a long time.
If a CN were alone on a deserted island, they would waste away. People like you have what CNs want. They will never be able to sit with themselves and feel the peace that resides in all our spirits and souls.
You will learn to fortify boundaries with energy vampires and use your tender heart to reach out to those who gratefully receive it. Your heart will expand even more, and a newfound strength will develop in you that can move mountains.
“I felt like things about me were irritating to her.”
“I didn’t feel valued and pursued.”
didn’t feel like he wanted me to thrive.”
“I felt like I was never good enough.”
“I have no desire to eat.”
“I feel like I am always bracing myself for the next angry phone call, email, or text from him.
