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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Debbie Mirza
It makes you feel desperate, dependent on their attention, working hard for a reward of love and attention that only comes on their terms, intermittently, and unpredictably.
Looking back, she noticed a pattern of him listening to her express how something he did or said hurt her, then apologizing, then changing his behavior for a couple days, then repeating the same old behavior.
Sometimes they will give you the silent treatment, act as if they didn’t hear you, or be distant when you long for connection. They will pull away and starve you of attention and affection.
They will do things to inconvenience you, disrupting your life in some way.
CNs will punish you by withholding attention, not complimenting you when you have dressed up for a date with them, invalidating your feelings, not defending you when someone else treats you badly, smearing your name to others, trying to turn your kids against you, offering subtle putdowns, and using your insecurities and personal things you have opened up to them about to wound you.
Many wonder if they, themselves, are narcissists. CNs will use your doubts against you, saying you are overly dramatic, too sensitive, you don’t take responsibility for yourself, you blame everyone instead, etc.
When you are with a CN, you can never win no matter what you do. They will never be fully satisfied with you. You will never be good enough in their eyes. They have to have something they can hold over you in order to control and manipulate you.
He acted like a baby. She had to spoon-feed him, explaining basic concepts to a grown man.
He had unresolved issues from his childhood, but instead of being honest about that, he projected his issues onto her.
He only wanted her there to make him feel good about himself.
The truth is this relationship never meant the same to them as it did to you. You approached it from a genuine, goodhearted, loving place. They did not. They acted like they did, but it wasn’t genuine. The reality is they have enormous issues and have projected them onto you for years, making you think you are responsible for things that have nothing to do with you.
