How to Choose a Guy in 10 Days (Chick Flick Club, #1)

by Lila Monroe

But as Gemma races the clock to win her bet, she finds that Bigfoot’s been hiding a few things under his baggy flannel shirts. Like abs of steel, and a surprisingly big... Heart. He has a big heart.

He smirks. “Well, they’re not screams of pain ...” He glances back into the apartment, and I realize he must have a girl there. Typical Bigfoot.

“Nostalgia, is not what I’d call this fragrance. More like, Eau du Sweatsock?”

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great wingman when we go out, but when he falls for a girl, he’s all in – diet and all.

I sit on my ratty old couch, flip on the TV to ESPN, and start to eat. Sports and real food. Two of my favorite things. One more thing would make it absolutely perfect, but I remind myself that relationships have only ever complicated my life. This burger? Totally uncomplicated. Doesn’t want to change me. Needs nothing from me. Is never passive-aggressive. Doesn’t talk in code. It’s just here for me, no matter what. It’s just meat, cheese, and bread. The perfect relationship.

Wait. Do onion rings count as vegetables? If so, then pickles do, too. I’m practically eating a salad. See? I don’t need an intervention.

He shoots me a smirk, as the doors close—just before I reach them. Damn. This guy hates me. Why am I even bothering?

“Oh.” Zach blinks. “That’s actually a good idea.” What?! “So you’ll do it?” I ask, breathless. “And you’ll stop badgering me ?” Zach says slowly. I nod because, holy shit, is he seriously going to agree to this? “Yes. Absolutely!” “And I get final say on everything?” “Of course!” I cross my fingers, and my toes too. Please say yes. Please, pretty please. For once, the powers that be actually hear my desperate pleas, because Zach takes a deep breath and says, “Fine. Against my better judgment. All right.” “Agh!” I let out a shriek of delight-slash-relief and throw my arms around him without thinking. I get an armful of surprisingly solid torso, warm and muscular, and— Zach backs off quickly.

He sighs and nods. “Fine. Under one condition.” “What?” I ask warily. A slow, mischievous smile spreads from his lips up to his amber eyes, making me fear for my life. Also, my panties a little, because a mischievous Zach is a sexy Zach. Huh. Who knew? “I get to pick an outfit for you,” he says. “Fine,” I shrug, unconcerned. This is my favorite store, after all. “Do your worst.”

“Go, change.” “You know, you can be real bossy,” he smirks at me. “Chop chop!” I push him towards the dressing room, and then stop to itch. Polyester. The worst!

“Time to work for it.” Zach rolls his eyes, but the corners of his mouth lift in a smile. “Mmmm,” he says half-heartedly, taking a bit. “Louder,” I hiss. “MMMMMMM,” he half-bellows.

“Right?” I agree, spotting a group of teenage girls gawking at Zach. “And could you believe Ryan and Blake were in line behind us? Celebrities know how good the food from The Little Red Wagon is!” Zach stares at me for a second and then clues in. Sort of. “They sure do!” he exclaims. “That Gosling couldn’t stop talking about these waffles!” “Wrong Ryan,” I whisper. “Whoops,” he says, adding a loud, “Anyway, he was so right. This thing is amazeballs! That Blake guy loves everything from The Little Red Wagon, too.” I can’t help but laugh as I take another bite.

Before they can reply, I grab Zach’s hand and race away, managing to lose us in the crowd before I stop. And burst into hysterical laughter.

“Grooming, bright and early.” “Yes ma’am.” He salutes me, and turns to walk away. It’s a nice view. Until he looks over his shoulder and busts me watching. I flip him the bird. He laughs and walks away. I mean, I guess he does. I absolutely do not watch this time. No matter how tempted I am.

Fuck it. I go to my bathroom and open the cabinet, grabbing my electric razor. What’s that she’s been saying? Get the confidence to make a change inside, as well as out. “You better give me a fucking gold star,” I grumble, and turn on the shave setting. Goodbye Bigfoot. The beard is no more.

“Oh. Day-um, girl.” James cringes. “But if Arielle gets the job, will she be our boss? Because I can’t, Gems. I can’t report to her. I’ll quit and sell macramé plant holders at the artisan market first.”

“Hey Gemma.” I freeze. No fucking way. “Zach?” “Don’t look so surprised.” He strolls towards me, flashing a million-dollar grin. “It’s just a shave.” Just a shave. Like the pyramids are just a little ornament. Or David is just a cool statue. Try a work of drool-worthy, panty-twisting art. My first thought is: I am so going to win this thing. My second is: I am in so much trouble. Because the drooling and panties getting twisted? They’re all mine.

Right on cue, there’s a noise out in the hall. Before I can stop them, Eve and Zoey jump up and rush to the door, jockeying for position at the peephole. “What are you doing?” I whisper-screech. “I want to see,” Zoey says. “I want to see,” Eve argues, pushing Zoey out of the way. “Guys,” I say, panicking. “Don’t. He has … company.” But then, not one to be denied, Zoey yanks the door open. Noooooo! “Hey, Zach!” she exclaims. “What a surprise.” I hear the rumble of Zach’s voice. I can hear that he’s amused, but not what he’s saying. I’m so dead. “Looking really good,” Zoey purrs. “Gemma wasn’t kidding that you clean up nice.” Wait, what?

“No, I’m good,” I call out, dying a slow, humiliating death right there on the couch. “Have a good night, Zach!” But then Zoey comes and grabs my arm. “Come on, be nice to your neighbor,” she says, eyes glinting with mischief. Then before I even realize what’s happening, she pushes me out into the hall with Zach. The door slams behind me. Then it locks. Leaving me alone in the hall with my formerly hairy, now totally hottie, neighbor. Zach smiles. “Girls’ night?” “Something like that.”

“So, you’re not just sitting around all day because you’re unemployed…” I realize. “Technically I am.” Zach smirks. “But because I want to be.” I laugh. It turns out I had him wrong. Way wrong. “So, you’re just a retired playboy, slumming it in our building for kicks.”

Gemma’s face changes. “Was she your first love? Super-serious?” “Serious as a colonoscopy. And about as fun,” I finally meet her eyes. “Lisa isn’t just my ex-girlfriend. She’s my ex-wife.”

pause.

He yanks, and my foot comes out of the guck with a wet slurp—splattering mud all over his face. I cackle with laughter. I can’t help it. I shouldn’t mock while he’s helping me, but it’s too late. “Sorry,” I snort. Still laughing. He tightens his grip on my ankle, reminding me he still has a hold on me. I’m at his mercy. Perched over a very big, very muddy puddle. “Still amused?” he says, a wicked teasing grin on his face. I shake my head quickly. “Nope! Not funny at all.” “Really?” Zach grins up at me. “Because it sounded like there was something hilarious going on.”

Something brushes up against my leg. No, slithers against my leg. Something slithers against my leg! “GAH!” I shriek. “It touched me!” I splash wildly, and then suddenly, I’m in Zach’s arms, my legs wrapped around his waist. How did that happen? “You okay?” he asks, smirking. Whatever. I’m in panic mode here. I look around, but the water is so murky. I can’t see anything. “Yeah. Just … are there eels in here?” “No. It was probably just a reed.” I exhale in relief. “Or … Maybe a fish,” he muses. “Fish?” I ask, looking at him. “Like, fish that nibble?” He shrugs under my arms. “Could have been a turtle.” “Turtle?” I whimper. “They definitely bite, don’t they?” “Sometimes,” he says and then I feel a pinch on my butt. I scream and swear to God, I nearly faint. Until I realize it was him. “Zach!” I smack at his shoulder, laughing.

He pulls me closer. Closer. Now I’m crushed against him, and loving every minute of it. “Zach?” I whisper, my head spinning. We’re on the edge of something here, and somehow I know, once we step over the line, there’s no going back. “We should … I mean … if you …” With a groan, he leans in and captures my lips in a searing kiss. Oh. My. God. His mouth is hot and hard against mine, his tongue sliding deep.

He starts to let me go. I grip my arms and legs around him harder. “What are you doing?!” “Putting you down?” “Not while we’re in these God-knows-what infested waters, you’re not!”

Zach chuckles, but he wraps his arms around me again and wades to the shore, muttering something about a damsel in distress. I don’t mind the teasing, especially because my mind is still frazzled from our epic watery-logged makeout session. Where did he learn to kiss like that?

I pull out a glazed donut and hold it out for him. “Maple bacon.” “Bacon, maple, donut—three of my favorite things!” he takes a massive bite.

“Easy there, sunshine.” Zach gives me a lazy grin that turns my insides upside down. “Unless these stores are clothing-optional?”

Like always, it’s insanely busy, but I feel good as we finally find a parking spot and walk in, especially when Zach grabs my hand and twines his fingers in mine. I blush.

Hes a romantic GOD I LOVE THAT

“So’s comfort,” he says, as he suddenly pulls me into his lap. “Zach!” I laugh, but he’s undeterred. “Indulge me. I need to know it’s comfortable for when you come over and we watch movies.” “OK then.” I kick off my sandals so I can stretch out, my head on his thigh, as though the cardboard TV in the cabinet facing us is real.

The walls are daubed in blood-like messages, there’s an empty bed, some handcuffs, and a weird room with what looks like a body on an examining table. “You do this for fun?” I ask, but the others are already racing around the room, finding lock-boxes that will apparently get us out of here. “Don’t worry.” Zach’s arms come around me, and I sway back against him. “I’ll protect you.”

No because he so would protect her

“Do you want a drink?” I ask. “I have teas … water … maybe some beer in the fridge.” “I want you.”

AHHH

I wake up in my own bed. Alone.

Lowkey rightfully so…

“It’ll be OK,” Eve puts her arm around me. “At least there are two guys who’ll never let you down,” Zoey adds, handing me a carton of ice cream. I look down. Ben and Jerry.

stop because why is this girl sobbing and im over here CACKLING

BLESS UPPP

Suddenly, the lights flip on: lanterns are strung between the buildings, and under them is a cute bistro table set for two, with white linens and a vase of roses. What the hell? Then a three-piece mariachi band steps from the shadows and starts to play. I look around wildly. Am I on some kind of YouTube prank show? What is Zoey doing? Then I realize, the song they’re playing is weirdly familiar. Pretty Woman. It can’t be … My heart stops. I almost don’t want to hope, but when I turn around, there he is. Zach. And he’s got a smile on his face.

I freaking love this man dude like good lord

“You brought puppies!” I greet Eve, and then the trio of fluffballs at her feet. Zach has them on their backs in seconds, competing for a belly-rub. “You sure have a way with the ladies.” Brody cracks. “Don’t you forget it, smart ass,” Zach says. “Are you ordering a waffle or are you full of smoothie?” Brody clears his throat. “I’ve actually been reading that an all-liquid diet is really bad for your health. I’m getting extra bacon,” he says, going over to Zoey’s order window. “I guess that’s the end of the smoothie girl,” Zach laughs. “OHMIGODARETHOSEPUGPUPPIES?” I hear and then Julie is kneeling on the grass beside me, making grabby hands for one of the pups. I hand the littlest one over and she smushes him into her chest, making snorty baby talk at him.

“So apparently we’re getting a puppy,” Martin sighs. “Who wants to do another escape room tonight?” Julie asks. “I just got a groupon for a new place, it’s supposed to be super-creepy.” “Is that supposed to be a tempting offer?” I tease. She laughs. “Come on, if we get enough people, we can do girls against guys, and really whip their asses.” “I’m in.” “Me too,” Zach agrees. “Brody?” I look around.

Zach, me, our mismatched group of friends … it feels like everything’s fallen into place, and as I look around, I almost can’t believe how good it feels.

But it’s not. Because for Zach and me, this is only just the beginning.