Mistakes I Made at Work: 25 Influential Women Reflect on What They Got Out of Getting It Wrong

by Jessica Bacal

“What are your thoughts?” You’re almost never alone at the helm of a ship, or anywhere else, for that matter.

You don’t have to feel the burden of “I must be 110 percent right on my first try, and I may not utter any evidence of hesitancy.” Even the president of the company can turn to a trusted colleague and say, “What do you think? Here’s my idea. Give me some feedback.”

You don’t have to be the model of perfection to be good at your job. I’ll never know all the medical facts the way a computer will, so I can say, “I don’t know . . . but I’ll try to find out,” and still feel confident in my abilities.

If you make a mistake, it’s important to distinguish the action from the person. What you did was a mistake, but you aren’t the mistake. Just own up to it and learn how you can do it better. Find someone you can trust to talk about it. And when you see someone else make an error, be that compassion...

“If you don’t have a passion, there’s nothing wrong with you. I think that life is not so much about following your passion, but about realizing that your journey is a long one. Focus on developing hard skills like problem solving, business writing, and presenting, and soft skills like taking initiative, getting along with others, and engaging in meetings. Get curious about what you enjoy doing (and don’t enjoy), and notice what gives you a lot of energy.”

books: How Remarkable Women Lead and the upcoming Centered Leadership. They should be required reading for every young person—man or woman.

If you’re a creative person, know that some tasks require sticking with the facts.

Another mistake was being more focused on my own “good idea” than on the task at hand.

If you want to bring your new ideas to the table and make changes, you must start by honoring what exists. That way, you release people’s anxiety that you’re going to kill what they’re most trying to protect.

Understanding those lessons affirmed my belief that mistakes are nearly always learning opportunities and that you should only call them “failures” if you don’t learn.

I’ve noticed that young people are often afraid of “living the wrong life.” Every decision becomes momentous because they just haven’t made many of them! They become afraid to decide anything, which can be a mistake in itself. Instead, start with what you really want to create and if the decision takes you a step forward, go for it. If you don’t know what you want to create, focus on gaining a skill.

Be open to stepping outside of your comfort zone. In our leadership trainings, we have a vocal coach who makes people sing in front of the group because it’s a real experience of risk. Some people actually cry because they feel so ashamed, but once they do it and realize that they’re still alive, that they’re still breathing, they are stronger for it.

Even when you’re grateful to have that first job, it’s still a good idea to negotiate.

Learn to manage the emotions that come up during negotiations.

Do your research and don’t get bogged down by missteps.

Asking for money can be easier over e-mail. As a journalist, I’ve learned that if you give someone a chance to get off the hook, they’ll take it—on the phone it’s easy to want to be nice, to say things like, “I know these are hard times and you probably can’t pay this.” (They’ll probably say, “Yes, you’re right.”) I can be a little more hard-nosed by e-mail. You also have a written record of the conversation.

If you do find yourself asking for money over the phone or in person, allow for silence right after you ask. It’s a very powerful tool.

Some key phrases I’ve used in negotiating are “I usually get x” or “I understand the standard rate is x.” Then it’s about business, and not about what you’re worth or what you need. Never t...

There’s so much emotion attached to money that when you practice negotiating, you should think through not only what you’re going to say but how you’re going to feel in the face of pushback. And you have to come to te...

You may have reasons for being willing to accept less money because you’re getting something else out of the deal—like experience or prestige. But, especially these days, be very, very careful not to fall into the trap of working for free just for “exposure.” In rare circumstances it can be worth it, but it’s usuall...

“Sometimes in life, you are given options A or B and you want nonexistent option C. I wish I’d had the courage to overcome self-doubt earlier, to know that I didn’t need a well-worn path to think something was viable as a career.”

The pressure to be a “good girl” can constrain you in every area of your life.

Pursue what you find most compelling, even if it means going against the grain or asserting yourself in new ways.

I didn’t take advantage of social work school to pursue my own interests, but in business school I took ownership over my time and it was incredible. If you walk into graduate school with ambition and use the resources available to you, you can have a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

You don’t have to be a “math person” to thrive at business school. I worried that I’d never get into any program, but I was accepted to an excellent one and loved every minute of it.

At school or at work, if you find yourself wishing for a new kind of policy or program, then ask for it. Make a good solid proposal. Go an...

Failing is sometimes the only way forward. You can read thousands of books about public speaking, but until you do it, you are not going to g...

If you make a big, public mistake then own it in a big, public way.

If you make a big mistake and everybody at work knows about it, then let people know that you learned from it and won’t repeat it. That prevents other people from having leverage over you.

Rarely is a mistake fatal. There’s a recovery strategy for every single one, so the key is to ask yourself: How did I get here? What lesson did I learn? Then brush it off and move on, period.

Women, more than men, tend to hold on to their mistakes—and it becomes like heavy baggage, creating a competitive disadvantage. There aren’t enough people telling young women that mistakes aren’t a...

While I didn’t have an internal mentor, early on I did have a sponsor. A sponsor is someone who is willing to advocate for you behind closed doors. He or she doesn’t have to have a real personal relationship with you but does need to have a lot of respect for your work. Once I became one of the senior people who would go into a room and evaluate the junior people, I realized how subjective the process ...

Whether you get promoted or not, whether you’re part of the “cool kids club” or not—these things are not indicative of your worth.

It’s not easy to do what you want, especially if you have student loans to pay or people to take care of, but if given the opportunity, try to challenge yourself. Try to choose the thing that’s scary rather than what’s expected.

Don’t let other people define who you are. When you’re feeling unappreciated at work, just let yourself feel annoyed. Don’t see it as a sign of worthlessness.

Every woman can learn how to say no a little bit more in her personal life and also in her professional life, priori...

You might not always know your career path right off the bat—but have patience with yourself.

The burnout rate in nonprofits is five years, so you have to carve out time for yourself and be really protective of it. I meditate for at least twenty minutes every day and take long bike rides on the weekends. • I didn’t have a specific path after college, but a lot of my friends did. They worked on Wall Street or got their PhDs, got married, and had kids. Now in their late thirties, many are going through career crises. I didn’t do any of that and I am very happy at the point where I am. I struggled earlier. You have to realize that at some point you’ll struggle.

When you get the alumni quarterly and you read about your friends who are PhDs or MacArthur fellows or Rhodes scholars, have a shot for each one and keep a good sense of humor. Life is about doing what you love. • We need to be able to take criticism and use it to improve ourselves. In sports, coaches have that approach; they’ll just say directly, “I need you to do this.”

• Get the broadest education you can. You will never again have a chance to study the way you do when you’re in college and graduate school, so don’t focus too completely on one subject. You may discover a passion you didn’t know you had. And knowing a lot about art, literature, science . . . down the road, it will serve you well. • Don’t expect too much of yourself when you’re young. It’s better to be a late bloomer than an early one; so many young successes flame out and spend the rest of their lives lamenting what they used to have.

Be brave enough to define your own future, rather than letting a bad job define you.

Do what you can to not feel so alone and powerless when you’re in a terrible job; if you have to contract lice (or to even pretend that you’ve contracted lice) in order to get a day or two off to apply for other jobs, then do it.

It’s okay to trust your instinct that things are bad, and to look for a way out even when it seems too soon.

Only you can determine your future; only you can decid...

The fact is: when you are narrowly programmed to achieve, you are like a windup toy with only one movement in its repertoire.”

Don’t let a difficult work situation keep you from trying to get the most that you can out of the experience.

Be open to external validation that comes from sources other than your usual ones.

Always remember to think about all the potential for learning in any environment. Even if that means nothing more than viewing it anthropologically, because first jobs are often not very good, there may be something fascinating about the people or the way things are done.

“Sometimes you are able to see things that people around you are not able to see, either because of the way your mind works or because of your personal interests or because of the things you’re exposed to. When you have an innovative idea that your colleagues may not quite be ready to embrace, there’s a balance between not getting too far ahead of them (so that you have no help) and pandering to their resistance, which could have many sources.”

Resistance from colleagues is not the same as “no.”