Not in Love (Not in Love, #1)

by Ali Hazelwood

“Here I am, trying to help you out in a difficult situation, and you repay me by being surprised that I can read.”

“Don’t say what you did peg me for.” “A Mustang, maybe.” “Jesus.” He wiped a hand over his face. “Or a Tesla.” “Get the fuck out. You’re walking home.”

I just love their banter so much.

She took a step back. Eli was entranced. Her servant. Spellbound. He considered begging her to let him touch her. To let him go down on her here in the hallway. He would go grocery shopping and make her dinner off a YouTube recipe of her choice. He’d wash her car, read her a book, sit here outside her door and just make sure she was safe and protected. They could hold hands

all night. They could play Scrabble. He was very close to imploring for something, everything, anything, when she added, “And sometimes the reason is that they should be broken.”

While he’d been drowning in her, busy unspooling the filthiest of thoughts, she must have been at work, because there were ten digits written on his palm—just enough for a phone number. And underneath, three letters that knocked the breath out of his chest. Rue.

“That would imply a degree of emotional availability homegirl could only aspire to after a heart transplant.”

Ha

My first impression of him was probably highly similar to others’ first impressions of me—with the caveat that serious, unsmiling men tended to be considered consummate professionals, while serious, unsmiling

women were often written off as haughty shrews.

“I’m sorry.” His Adam’s apple moved. “I forget to look at other things, when you’re around.”

“Your damn mouth,” he murmured, “is the most obscenely lovely thing I’ve ever had the burden of seeing.”

“It’s disconcerting.” His breath was hot on my cheek. “But in the past seventy-two hours, I’ve found myself thinking over and over that we could fuck however you wanted. For however long you wanted. Wherever you wanted. I’d consent to any and all

demands, and it’d be so

good that you’d probably just ruin me for the rest of my life, and I’d just sit there, grateful.” He let out a laugh. “Rue. ...

it was much easier for me to interact with people within the structure of a guided discussion; and

beer was a powerful social lubricant.

Same Rue same.

“The first rule of journal club is, don’t talk about journal club.”

Lol

“Because. I haven’t seen you in two weeks and—I actually do like this. Being with you.”

Giggling And kicking my feet over them.

“Fair warning: if you don’t stop pushing me, I’m going to bend you over this bench and show you exactly what I’m into.”

Am I holding you hostage the same way you hold me? Tell me, Rue. Just between you and me.

“A fair bit. We’re not Nolan Sawyer level, or anything—” “Mallory Greenleaf level, you mean?”

Fun reference to Check&Mate here.

It’s because with you I never have to worry about being too odd, too unlikable, too out of tune. You never

make me feel anything other than just right.

I am once again giggling and kicking my feet over them!

But the sex was the best I’d ever had, so I sim...

I love them so much.

You, and the things we do,

the things you give me, the things you make me feel, they’re impossible to quantify. They are good in a way that goes beyond orgasms, and I can’t really keep track, or tick off checkboxes. It’s confusing. You are confusing.

They're just so cute.

“Let me make you dinner.”

He traced my mouth with his thumb. “That would be nice,” I said. “Come to my place. Let me take care of you. Let me teach you how to pet dogs. Exposure therapy, sweetheart.”

I love them.

“Don’t say no, Rue,” he murmured. A low, heartfelt appeal. “Don’t do this to us.” I didn’t let myself think about it. “Okay.”

Yes yes yes!!!

“You can’t act this way around her, okay? Because she’s going to get sad. And if she gets sad, then I’m going to get mad. And there will be consequences.”

He is so down bad for Rue.

But here’s what she doesn’t know.” He leaned forward. “I have an entire team of lawyers at my disposal who can make your life very, very hard. Which means that I can ruin you without getting you arrested or beating you

to a pulp. I wouldn’t even need to make her sad.”

I love tgis version of Eli.

“Don’t worry, Rue. I’m not going to ask you for anything scandalous, like to skate with me.”

Aw

I thought I’d be rid of you

by now. I thought I’d sweat you out. But it’s like you’ve stolen a little piece of me. And I’m afraid that when this is over, I’ll go back to my life, and my shape will have changed—just a little, but enough that I’ll no longer fit into my lonely, angular hole.

I am once again giggling and kicking my feet.

“Out of all the people I’ve met, the things I’ve wanted, the places I’ve been, none has ever felt as necessary as you do. Because I love you. I love you in a way I didn’t think I was capable of. I love you because you showed me how to fall in love. And I don’t regret it, Rue. I wouldn’t

want it any other way. Even if you can never say it back. Even if you never think about me again after today. Even if you were right after all, and you’re not capable of love.”

“I thought I could never be happy. But with you, Eli…I have never felt the way I do with you. Never. And I think that’s why it took me so long to put words to it.” His heart beat in his throat. “What words?” “Safe,” she said.

Stop they're so cute.

He forced himself to remain silent. “And accepted.” More silence. Harder, this time. “And enough.” That, he couldn’t take. “Rue. You have never been anything but enough.”

I love them.

“If you still want me to love you, I really think I can love you back. Because

I already do.” Two tears streaked her cheekbones. “And if you don’t, I guess I’ll be loving you anyway. But if you were to give me another chance—”

I'm glad she said it.