Things I Wanted to Say (Lancaster Prep #1)

by Monica Murphy

I’ve always had what I call ‘the darkness.’ I’ve never met someone who acts like he has it too.

Money protects you. Insulates you. Those who win in the game of life, always win when they have the most money.

“You seem like someone with a lot of secrets,” Sylvie says, interrupting my thoughts. I blink her into focus, to find she’s watching me with narrowed eyes. “I’m an open book,” I lie. She says nothing. She doesn’t have to. Because she doesn’t believe me. She shouldn’t. I have all sorts of secrets. And every single one of them is awful.

I hate him. I do. But I’m drawn to him, too. The pull is there, tugging me closer to him, and I wonder if he feels it too.

My thoughts are riotous. Filled with Summer. What else is new? I hate that she’s all I think about. I’m a man obsessed. One would think I’d get used to the feeling, considering I’ve been obsessed with her since I was fourteen. Yet my thoughts of her haven’t waned over the years whatsoever. She’s always been there, lingering in the back of my mind, haunting me at the strangest times, or when I least expect it.

“You try to hide it, but there’s no use. You’re fucking beautiful, and it frustrates the shit out of me, Savage.”

“Do I scare you?” he whispers. Deciding to be truthful, I nod. “Good,” he breathes across my lips, his mouth so close to mine, I can feel it move when he talks. “Because you scare me too.”

My father’s gaze, so much like mine, narrows on me. “Fine. You want some fantasy advice? What I would tell you if money and family weren’t involved and we were just regular people?” I nod. “Tell me.” “Fuck the proper lineage and important family names. Find someone who sets you on fire every time you so much as look at her. Someone you can talk to, fight with, and fuck just as fiercely. And once you find that woman, don’t let her go,”

“He definitely still hates me,” I say way too quickly. By the look on her face, I can tell she doesn’t believe me. “Sure. Though I get what you’re doing. And you’re probably right. You shouldn’t get your hopes up over Whit anyway. It’s such a shame.” Sylvie’s expression is incredibly sad. “What’s a shame?” I ask, hating how I always want every single detail I can get about Whit. She mentions his name and I lean in, always eager for more. “That he doesn’t have a heart.”

Being with Summer last night threw me for a loop. For the first time, I acknowledged my feelings for her. Not out loud, and not to her face, but within myself. They’ve been growing, despite my resistance. It was bound to happen, with how much time we spend together. I could be as cruel and awful as I wanted, and she took it. She seemed to enjoy it. She likes being with me. Every other girl would tell me to go fuck myself if I talked to them like that. Treated them like that.

Last night had been a realization. This girl is under my skin. We’re connected.

I’m fucked. I don’t know when it happened, or even how exactly, but I am so far gone over this girl. I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. Or with her.

“I’m in love with you, Summer,” he whispers, his mouth right at my ear, brushing the sensitive skin. “I have been since I first laid eyes on you all those years ago.” “You have a funny way of showing it,” I say, my lips curling into the faintest smile as I try to contain the joy that’s rising within me. Whit loves me. He’s in love with me.