The Canary Cowards

by Jescie Hall

“Y-you know what it takes? What it takes to make history?” Colin asks.

I pause, turning to face him. He's looking directly at me now. Colin is looking at me. He's never made eye contact for this long. Ever. If at all.

“Courage.”

“I can't read this, Col. The team name.” Colin turns his gaze back to me again. “The Canary Cowards.”

“That's Tenor. He's another rescue horse,” I explain softly as he peers at him. Tenor turns in his stall, hearing Colin. He doesn't approach the stall door but remains along the wall, watching.

“He seems to like his solitude.”

“He's just never met anyone like me,” Colin says in his monotone voice. “He doesn't know how to react. I'm not normal people and he knows it. They always know.”

“It's always coming. Death. It's always here. We're all going to die. Death is always here,” he says with a simple shrug. A shrug that shows his courage.

“You say that like it's nothing to be afraid of.” “It's not. You can't be afraid. Not afraid. You can’t always be afraid. Every day there is death. Every day there is life. Give her your best goodbye.

Tenor gently takes the carrot and Colin removes his hand from the stall with a nod. No expectations for more. Just satisfied with the simple exchange.

“But he's got my heart,” she continues, nodding softly. “And that heart never gives up. Not when we know what we love. And that boy knows what he loves, who he loves.”

“Give him time. He'll need time,” she says in a cracked tone.

“He'll need time, but he'll find his way back. Back to what really matters,” she whispers knowingly. “We always do, you know?”

“Alright, so you can’t work together. You sacrificed your love for her advancement in her career. Got it,” he says dramatically.

I’m not okay without her. I need Dylan like I need air, but I chose to suffocate instead.

I wish love was simple. Easy. Carefree and fun. But no, it has to be complicated, painful, and a constant fight to hold on to what you’ve found. My love for Lake isn’t like sand from the beach being slowly dragged back into his water.

I’m his shore. The place beneath his surface that surrounds him, tethering him to my earth.

“Thank you.” I swallow, shaky with my words. “For being home.” She sniffles against me. “I’ll always be your home, Lake.”

“I-I’m not mad at him, Pickle. I’m not mad. Colin is not angry with him. H-he helped you. He helped you when Colin lost it. He helped you.”

“I’m no coward, Pickle. And neither are you. W-we rise in disparity and a-adversity. We always have. We just have another flat. Another flat.”

“Just another flat. A flat. Trust the team.”

“I know you didn’t have a battery because I took your battery. Colin took your battery. It’s my battery now. I needed it. Needed it.”

I open the shirt, seeing the team name printed across the chest in white. “The Canary Cowards.” My heart drops into my stomach. The team. Our team. “Team needs you!”

“I called you a coward for a reason,” he says, looking me up and down. I’ve never felt more hurt, more disrespected, more loved in all my life.

“You love her. Love her. You love her. Don’t waste it, Lake. Love her.”

“No. No. DD will be happy. Happy. Very happy.” “What’s DD? Why do you keep calling her DD? I thought she was Pickle?” “She was. But she’s been DD since she’s been yours.” My heart clenches in my chest as my forehead creases, trying to work it out. “Dylan...Decker?”

“I’m not a coward anymore, Dylan,” Lake continues. “Colin helped me conquer that. I came here today, leaving all the broken pieces of my heart on the table, ready and willing for you to crumble them into dust if you needed to.”

“Tell me I can love you the way I need to in order to breathe,” he whispers his demands like he does. “Tell me you’ll let me back in.”

love you, Dylan,” he says with a heavy sigh, his pained eyes trained on mine. “Tell me I’m lucky enough for you to love me back.”

“I’ll love you every lap, Lake. When we’re in the lead at the peak of our race, and when we crash into the fence, burning into nothing but shattered pieces and flames. I’ll love you through it all because you’ve always been part of my team. Our team.”

“Tell me I can kiss you,” he whispers, inches from my lips. “Please, Dylan, for the love of God, tell me I can—” I stop his words, pulling him into my lips by the shirt on his chest.

With the past now behind us and the promise of the unknown before us, we find our courage together.

“I love you,” I say again, feeling free with myself and my emotions as I do. “Tell me you’ll marry me, DD.”

“Tell me you’ll marry me, and I’ll tell you what it means,” I tease, popping the box open. Inside is the ring that was literally made for her. My mother’s ring.

The fact that it’s a canary-colored diamond, pear-shaped for the tears that would fall no more, with a delicate band of diamonds, is even more of a sign that our story was written in the stars above.

“Tell me you’ll marry me.” She sniffles adorably, her eyes wrinkling in the corners as she nods vigorously.

“Dylan Decker,” I whisper before bringing the hand to my lips, kissing her fingers softly, one by one. “DD? Meant Dylan Decker?!” she gasps, then laughs. “Lake, Colin’s been calling me that for months now!”