The Canary Cowards

by Jescie Hall

“It's best not to be ashamed of a body that heals itself with such beauty.”

We're both losing this game, and I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but I've never loved losing more.

But fear quickly stamps that anticipation as I eye the school bus full of children he thinks he's driving into me.

Lake Decker made love to me. He doesn't need to fuck me. I've successfully found a way to fuck myself.

Call it protective; it's just how I am with women in my life.

“Don't say stuff you don't mean.” My brows lower, and I frown. “I mean it, D,” I whisper, my voice husky as I look at her lips and back before licking my own. “You're my girl.”

“You deserve to be selfish sometimes. Even if you find yourself hating the idea.”

“If you even for a second think you're gonna run, know I'll chase you. I'll chase until you're mine,” he whispers, grabbing my wrists and placing them on both sides of the headrest, making me fall forward into him again. “I'll catch you when you're slippin’.” He leans forward to capture my lips, pulling my bottom lip between his and sucking it tenderly before releasing it. “And you'll love every bit of getting caught.”

“It's not. You can't be afraid. Not afraid. You can’t always be afraid. Every day there is death. Every day there is life. Give her your best goodbye. Best goodbye. She needs the best goodbye.”

“I’ll always be your home, Lake.” Her sentence obliterates me. There’s so much truth in that she doesn’t even understand. She’s forever got a piece of my home inside her. Words from the woman I love, held deep inside, locked away in the heart I’ve fallen for. Dylan is my home, and I love her with the only pieces I have left of me.

“There’s a reason a team becomes a team, DD. They trust each other. They rely on each other. Trust. They trust each other to fall back when they need to, and someone else fills in. Everyone has their roles. Role on a team.”

“I love you, Dylan,” he says with a heavy sigh, his pained eyes trained on mine. “Tell me I’m lucky enough for you to love me back.”