The Canary Cowards

by Jescie Hall

I'm such a guy right now. Everything she just said, I pictured with a side of sex. Meet my limits? Break me? Girl, you wish you could. I'd rock your whole bland little homeless world.

“It's best not to be ashamed of a body that heals itself with such beauty.”

“One night with me would never be enough for you, Decker,” she breathes into my ear.

We're both losing this game, and I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but I've never loved losing more.

“How can you be possessive of something that isn't yours?” Because you will be mine. You just don't know it yet.

But fear quickly stamps that anticipation as I eye the school bus full of children he thinks he's driving into me.

Hahahahaha this really had me cackling 🤣

I've never felt so wanted, so valued, so needed by someone before, especially not during sex. There's an unspeakable connection to whatever just happened here that terrifies me.

Lake Decker made love to me. He doesn't need to fuck me. I've successfully found a way to fuck myself.

“I'll take you any way I can get you, Dylan, for however long it takes, even if that means we have to keep it discreet.”

“But what I won't do is let you go.”

“You told me one night with you wouldn't be enough, and it's not. It's not even close to enough. I need more.”

She deserves it more than anyone. But accepting anything is difficult for a woman of her strength.

Selfless women are my Achilles heel.

“If you even for a second think you're gonna run, know I'll chase you. I'll chase until you're mine,” he whispers, grabbing my wrists and placing them on both sides of the headrest, making me fall forward into him again. “I'll catch you when you're slippin’.” He leans forward to capture my lips, pulling my bottom lip between his and sucking it tenderly before releasing it. “And you'll love every bit of getting caught.”

“It's you, D,” I groan between kisses. “It's us. It has to be.”

“The best goodbye,” I reiterate.

“He'll need time, but he'll find his way back. Back to what really matters,” she whispers knowingly. “We always do, you know?”

“You didn’t let her choose, did you? You let her go before she could leave you. Because, God forbid, another amazing, selfless woman slips away from you.”

And tonight, it’s just two shattered souls who’ve lost the fight to need someone.

“I’ll always be your home, Lake.”

“All we have is this time right now. Time is always ticking away from us.”

“She was. But she’s been DD since she’s been yours.”

I get homesick at the sight of him.

“There’s no other reason a girl as amazing as you would wait for a guy like me,” he confesses.

“Tell me I can love you the way I need to in order to breathe,” he whispers his demands like he does. “Tell me you’ll let me back in.”

“Tell me I’m lucky enough for you to love me back.”

Love fucking hurts. And occasionally, we all lack the courage to embrace the torture that it is.

“I’ll love you every lap, Lake. When we’re in the lead at the peak of our race, and when we crash into the fence, burning into nothing but shattered pieces and flames. I’ll love you through it all because you’ve always been part of my team. Our team.”

Dylan is my safe space. She’s my light, my energy, my sunny days. She’s my teacher, my inspiration, my love. She’s everything I’ve needed to feel whole when I didn’t even know I was incomplete. She’s what life, as short as it may be, is all about. I’m back where I belong.

“Dylan knew you needed time. But she needs you in a way her friend can’t fill. They need you, and you need them.”