More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
I hope you’re not mad at me. I would never leave you on purpose, Nov. The rest of the world, maybe. But never you.
Sharing his beer is probably the Ethan Barclay equivalent of a hug.
“Why do you call her Ten? I thought you said your name was November?” “Just look at her.” Ethan offers with a shrug, taking a sip of his beer.
They’re small gestures he makes. Just tiny little things he does to show me that he sees me. Small, little things. Miniscule in the grand scheme of the universe, but they feel infinite.
“Eating disorders are one of the most illogical diseases there are. They often don’t make sense to people who don’t have them. You don’t see logic, you don’t even see what’s really in the mirror. It’s just you and a horribly distorted version of yourself.
It was different from when we shared the bed in Bali. Because we chose it this time. It wasn’t just another person here; it was someone who matters, someone I think my heart recognizes.
Gray eyes are rare. Less than three percent of the population. Ethan Barclay is rare.
“Ah, not to worry mate, fucked the memory of you away a long time ago.” He doesn’t even bother looking at Jake when he says it. He’s looking at me. “I’ll wait just up the beach, yeah?”
His chest heaves, and his eyes are endless. I see so many possibilities in them. I can’t count them, but I want them all.
In one motion, he’s twisting the cap off of a beer with his teeth. It doesn’t seem like much, but I recoil, because I know he’s doing it intentionally.
Sometimes I worry that I’ve kept you small, kept you reliant on me and just mine on purpose. But I liked the way it made me feel, our friendship. I was wanted, needed, valuable.
I think Ethan Barclay put the stars in my sky. He certainly hung the moon, and I think he’s all the oxygenated blood in my body.
November was a safe space for me to explore and unpack the ways that my eating disorder still impacts me, shapes who I am, all these years after recovery. And Ethan was a wonderful way to demonstrate those small, entirely tiny, but infinite ways you can support someone and show them you see them.
