Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck

by Amy Alkon

Voicemail should not be treated as a content delivery system. A voicemail kidnaps the recipient’s time for as long as it takes to hear that rambling message you left, assuming they don’t rebel and delete it halfway through. (My friend Jackie Danicki refuses to listen to any voicemail longer than a minute and often deletes them in the first ten seconds if they lack promise.) If you must speak your piece—like when your doctor’s office needs your insurance card number and your call goes to her receptionist’s voicemail—do your best to keep it snappy. But, otherwise, unless somebody’s told you that they like or prefer voicemail, consider hanging up and texting or e-mailing them instead of rambling on: “Hi, it’s Amy. I was just sitting here having Jell-O, petting my dog, and watching Ultimate Fight Club and thought of you…”