First, you draw out the person’s thoughts, feelings, values, and goals by asking them what they want for themselves. You listen empathetically and without judgment. And then—the kicker—after they’ve laid out how they’d like their life or some situation to play out, you gently ask them how their current course of action dovetails with that (or doesn’t). This is the point at which they are most able to see the discrepancy between what they want and what they’re doing.
