He explains in his book Just Listen that almost all communication is an effort to persuade people, whether we want them to give us a job, agree to a date, or just find us witty. We think we persuade people by using reason and facts. But, Goulston explains, they won’t hear our reasoning unless we connect with them—ask them about themselves, truly listen to them, and make them feel heard, valued, and understood. This breaks down their resistance. They can stop fighting us off and relax, and it’s only then that they can hear what we’re saying, consider it, and maybe come around to doing what we
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