Apology expert and psychiatrist Aaron Lazare explained in Psychology Today that “the exchange of shame and power between the offender and the offended” is what makes an apology work. By slighting somebody, you’ve kicked them in their self-concept, but by admitting you’ve wronged them, you’re reversing the shame they feel and putting it on yourself. “In acknowledging your shame,” wrote Lazare, “you give the offended the power to forgive.”
