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That’s right. I’m the only virgin left of my best friends, and I am painfully aware of the fact.
“Hal, we’re in college. We’re freshmen at one of the best universities in the South. Together. We need to get out and live. Go to parties, drink way too much cheap liquor. Kiss hot boys. Get pointless tattoos that we never regret when we’re old and wrinkly, despite what the boomers think. Be young while we have the opportunity. You know, before real life starts.” In theory, it sounds great. Easy even.
I know that they’re both right… It just seems much easier to talk about than it actually is to do it. Putting yourself out there, forgetting the things that hold you back. Pretending you’re not scared that the world will reject you for being yourself.
Finally, I drag my gaze up, flickering between the two of them. “You’re right. Both of you. Let’s do it.” I exhale, letting the nerves go. “Tomorrow, we’re going to go to a party.”
I’m hacking, and Viv’s eyes widen as I try desperately to get the food unlodged to no avail. Holy shit, I’m going to die literally choking on cheesy pizza with black olives. I’m going to die a virgin.
You see, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been harboring a small… innocent little crush on my best friend’s older brother, and it’s a secret that I’ll likely take to my grave. Because Lane Collins would never look my way.
Especially since it’s preseason and Lane is Orleans University’s star pitcher. When he’s not working out, practicing, or in study hall, he’s with his friends at a party or with his flavor of the night.
At the end of the day, I love to spend time with Eli. He’s my best friend and has been since we were just toddlers, and if he wants to bore me to death during our weekly movie night, fine.
The Collins brothers share the same unruly dirty-blond hair and almost the same shade of brilliant emerald eyes. Both have strong jaws and tanned skin that is from genetics and not the sun. But that’s where the similarities end. They couldn’t be any more different if they tried. Eli is more reserved and nerdy, while his brother is outgoing, cocky, and the life of the party. Both are handsome and smart, even if Lane likes to pretend he’s just a dumb jock for the sake of his campus reputation. I
“I know. I just feel… like, am I still a virgin because I’m weird? Am I really just that awkward?” “Hallie.” He blanches. “Fuck no. You’re one of the most incredible people I know. You’re smart and funny and beautiful. I mean… the whole package.”
I was two seconds away from feeling another human’s lips on mine, and then, before I knew it, he was being rolled away on a stretcher. There were lights. And sirens, for god’s sake. Talk about scarred for life.
I’m tired of fading into the background, like I’m not really here at all. Never really being seen. I just… want to feel empowered. I want to feel sexy. To feel wanted.
And I don’t want to have to question myself a million different ways or question his attraction to me because I’m me. I want to walk into a room and own it. I want there to be no hesitation when it comes to any guy, let alone question if he’s really into me despite being me. I want him to want me just the way I am and embrace every quirk, every weird thing I like.
There are a lot of perks to being the first-round draft pick with the projection of skipping the minors entirely and heading straight to the MLB. It gave me the conviction to walk around Orleans University like I owned it, and in a lot of ways, I do. There’s no party unless I’m there. People want to be my friend, girls want to fuck me, and guys want to be me. It comes with the territory. Something I’ve accepted along the way.
I walked onto campus this year with a plan. I was going to party my ass off, work my way through the never-ending roster of girls trying to sleep with me, live it up with my boys, and let this last year of college be one to remember. Go out with a bang before the real world sets in. Except, it turns out, that’s not how things are going to go. Not fucking at all. Instead, I’m living in hell. And I’ve been here ever since Hallie Jo Edwards moved into my house, with only the thin Sheetrock of a wall separating us on a daily basis.
My little brother’s best friend is the one thing in the world that I can’t have, no matter how badly I want her. No matter how badly I’ve wanted her for years. She’s beautiful, and kind, and one hundred percent off-limits.
The fact that I’m still even thinking about this is bad. I should’ve laughed it off, thrown the shit in the trash for real, and walked away. Because there is no way in hell this could happen. It’s one thing for me to innocently flirt with her, just to see her cheeks flame when I talk to her. That’s something else entirely. It’s all innocent fun, but this? This is crossing a line I could never come back from. Not just between the two of us, but… Eli.
Eli has always been more of a shy, quiet, introverted kid who preferred science over sports, and I’ve always been the exact opposite. I preferred to be the center of attention in any room I walked into. I wanted to play baseball, and even though my grades were great… school came second to baseball. The first time I held a bat in my hand, that was it. I knew that all I ever wanted to be was a baseball player. Now… I don’t know. Things change the older we get. I feel like I’m trying to figure out who I am without being Lane Collins, number 22. All-star pitcher. Campus god.
Even if that wedge is Hallie with her off-the-wall T-shirts, her eccentric style, and sweet smile. The one that hits me directly in the chest every time I’m rewarded with a glimpse.
I mean, I’ve always expected them to end up together, like soul mates or some shit, which is part of the reason why I never went after her. That, and the fact that they’ve been our neighbors for years, and she’s practically a part of our family. My mom would never forgive me if I somehow did something to hurt her or hurt my brother by going after a girl that’s clearly not meant for me. What I need to do is forget this ever happened. What I need to do is get some sleep so I can be rested for tomorrow with my pitching coach because my life is complicated enough without adding this. What I need
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“She is good, man. The kinda good that only deserves the very best this world can offer. She deserves everything. A guy who respects her and understands all of her little obsessions and doesn’t make her feel like she should be any different than she is. She’s pure and beautiful inside and out.” I didn’t need him to tell me that because I already knew every single word of it.
Why do you think I’m so hesitant to pursue her? Even though I’ve had feelings for her since we were young. Because she’s good, and I’m scared I’ll dirty her up. I’m scared that I’ll fuck shit up and it will come between our families. Even if it’s just the arrangement she proposed.
She may have meant to ask Eli to fulfill her proposal, but too fucking bad because she asked me, and I haven’t been able to sleep since.
Truthfully, my attraction defies all odds. She’s the most awkward person I’ve ever met, and yet I’ve never felt drawn to a girl the way that I am her. Her big, blue doe eyes. The baggy T-shirts even do it for me, and as fucked as that sounds, I want to strip them off her and see all of her that she hides away.
Any other night? I’d probably say fuck it and lose myself in whatever it is that she’s offering. But tonight? Nah, there’s only one girl I’m interested in seeing, and she sure as fuck isn’t the blondes standing in front of me.
Long enough to ask her a question or to tell her food was here because even though there’s distinctly a time before and now after the proposal, my thoughts about Hallie have always been the same.
I’ve wanted her since we were in high school. I just never acted on it. Not until now.
“I know your proposal wasn’t meant for me, Hal, but here’s the thing… it went to the wrong brother, and I’m sure as fuck not letting it go. You asked me, and I’m taking you up on your offer.” I grin, stepping even closer as she removes
Because the truth is, sure, she thought her damn proposal went to the wrong Collins brother, but little did she know it went to the right brother. There’s no one else in this damn house putting their hands on Hallie Edwards unless it’s me. I’ll make sure of it. I’ve spent years wishing that I was the brother she wanted, and now that I know her true feelings, that she has no inclination to actually want Eli, it’s game over.
“I… I asked you to take my virginity. To teach me,” she whispers, her eyes cast downward. Using my finger, I tip her chin up to bring her eyes back to mine. “Was that so hard?”
Her eyes drift down to where my fingers are still on her wrist, and she clears her throat. “You’re crazy, Lane. I mean… There’s no way this can happen. Absolutely not. You’re like… you. And I’m me. We’re oil and water. You’re like a baseball god, and I’m just quirky, weird, extremely inexperienced Hallie Jo. No. This is insane. Just pretend that this never happened.”
“Which part? The fact that you get around more than an STD or the fact that I’m nothing like the big-tit Barbies that you sneak in and out of our house?” “All of it. Don’t compare yourself to anyone, Hallie. You’re fucking perfect, and I don’t want to hear you say shit like that ever again.”
“You have no idea how good it can be, how powerful sex can make you feel, how good I could make you feel.”
“There’s so much that I could show you, so many things that I could teach you. How to pleasure yourself. How to bring any man to his knees. That’s what you wanted, right? I want to do this because I’m attracted to you, and why not?” I bring my thumb to her lower lip and drag it over the soft flesh. The barest of touches. “You got your signature, and now you’ve got me.”
“Your first kiss isn’t going to be this, Hallie. It’s going to be when you come to me, when you know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what you want. When you give yourself to me. When I can give you a first kiss that you’ll never forget, the one that ruins you for everyone else after me. You know where to find me if you decide that’s what you want.”
“Don’t do this. Don’t run because you’re too afraid to ask for what you want,” he mutters. “You’re here for a reason, Hal.”
Sex should be natural. It’s not us scheduling it and making it happen mechanically. It’s much more than that, Hallie. It’s about truly knowing another person and you feeling comfortable doing it. So, we’re going to hang out, get to know each other better.”
“O-okay. What if people find out about us?” His shoulder dips. “We don’t owe anyone an explanation. We’re hanging out, and that’s all that we say. If I want to touch you in public, I will, and the same goes for you. We’re not doing anything that needs to be hidden. We’re just going to spend time together, flirt, and make our way to the good things… naturally. No pressure. I want this to be authentic for you, Hallie, so let’s do it the authentic way, hang out and get to know each other better.” “So… if we’re being… intimate, does that mean that you’re not going to b-be with anyone else? I just
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Not sure if you know this, but I really know how to woo a girl. Get ready to be wooed.”
“Thank you for trusting me with something as special as this, Hallie. I promise I’ll take care of you.”
As I walk back to my room, ambling down the hallway with the feel of his hands still burning on my body, I realize that I don’t think I made a mistake giving that proposal to the wrong brother. I think it was the right thing all along.
Is that a hint of jealousy I hear? Mmm. My Hallie Girl might have claws under all of that sweetness.
“Nah, you see, I’ve got my hands full. I’m not interested in anyone whose name isn’t Hallie Jo Edwards. I signed a proposal, and as we discussed, the only thing I’m worried about is finding out all the ways I can please you.”
“Hallie?” She drags her gaze back to mine, her thick dark lashes framing her wide eyes. “When it comes to you? I want to know all of it.” “O-okay then.” She doesn’t realize what I mean by that yet. But she will.
The kind of kiss that you read about in romance novels and watch in a quintessential nineties rom-com. Except it’s my life, and the jock that’s holding my face in his hands like I’m precious is Lane. It’s so incredible that my foot is popped like I’m Mia Thermopolis. I am living my very own Princess Diaries moment right now. How anyone could ever beat this kiss, this moment, I don’t know. All I do know is that if this is what I’ve been missing out on? Then I’ll spend forever kissing Lane Collins.
“Hal,” he rasps, his finger tipping my chin, dragging my eyes back to his. “Nothing about you will ever disappoint me. And sure as fuck not anything that comes with sex.”
“You’re you, and that’s more than any of those girls will ever be.” He drags his nose along my jaw, his voice low and hoarse. “They could never be you, Hallie Girl.”
I swallow, my throat thick. He has this ability to see right through me, more than anyone I know besides maybe Eli. It’s unnerving.
“I mean, honestly, everything about you. It’s probably why I’ve had a crush on you since I was old enough to realize what crushes are.” This makes his eyebrow arch. “You had a crush on me, Hallie Girl?” “As if you didn’t know.” I roll my eyes. “I can still… hardly form a sentence around you without stuttering. I’m working on it.”
“Trust me when I say there is nothing in this world sexier than you are, Hallie Edwards, and there is nothing more that I want right now than to watch you come. Can I make you come?”
