Back After This

by Linda Holmes

There’s nothing wrong with the fact that you’re not cut out to be a host, Justin had said. You’re a born producer. He was not right. He was too much of a jerk to be right.

I sensed a theme that wasn’t quite right for me and was about to pull the plug, but on April 15 he announced that he didn’t think we were well suited to each other. It was tax day, and he said paying his taxes always made him think about the future.

It seemed like we liked each other, but it was all in the context of absolutely nothing ever being able to happen since I was stunt dating and he was leaving.

But he doesn't have any firm plans! Get it together, Cecily!

“I am not getting involved with him,” I said. “I’m not dating him. He barely owns furniture.” I heard myself say it, and I spun to see Will looking like I’d slapped him.

Effing hell, Cecily. No wonder you're still single.

I’ve waited a long time for Toby to give me something in return for all this work I’ve put in. And he promised to make this pilot, which is more than he’s ever done in the past, so I can’t pick up and go now, right before it actually happens.”

Oh, honey.

Sometimes, the only good thing about knowing the truth is that you can do all the things you would have done all along if only you had known the truth.

Especially once I mastered editing remotely, the need to exhale on other people and the need to work had decoupled.