Good Material

by Dolly Alderton

“Break-ups can be a good thing,” Jane says. “They can teach us about who we really are.” “Yeah, maybe, like, break-up number one or two,” I sigh. “But break-ups have depreciating gains. I’m thirty-five now. I know who I am. I am already sick of myself.”

When someone says they don’t want to be with you, you feel the pain of every single one of those times in life where you felt like you weren’t good enough. You live through all of it again.”

“You don’t let go once. That’s your first mistake. You say goodbye over a lifetime. You might not have thought about her for ten years, then you’ll hear a song or you’ll walk past somewhere you once went together—something will come to the surface that you’d totally forgotten about. And you say another goodbye. You have to be prepared to let go and let go and let go a thousand times.”

I soon realized that inevitability of every relationship: the things which initially draw you to each other become the exact things that irritate you the most.

And I thought: if I feel single, wouldn’t it be easier to be single?

The theory goes: whatever the crucial 10 per cent is that was missing from your partner who was otherwise totally right for you is the thing you look for in the following person. That missing 10 per cent becomes such a fixation that, when you do find someone who has it, you ignore the fact they don’t have the other 90 per cent that the previous partner had. I

You know how to be alone without being lonely. Do you know how rare that is? Do you know how much I wish I could do that? It’s a wonderful thing you’ve got going on there.”