Good Material

by Dolly Alderton

Unless I joined them in their spaces, on their schedules, with their families, I would barely see them.

And I realized he’d chosen not to be thoughtful but to be funny instead. To no one but himself.

if I feel single, wouldn’t it be easier to be single? And then I wouldn’t have to worry about disappointing someone or someone disappointing me? When I’m single, I know where I am. I am alone when I’m ill, but I’m not abandoned. I get a promotion and I celebrate with friends, rather than worrying that my good news might make my partner feel insecure.

He would have loved me unquestioningly and stubbornly forever. And I don’t know if I want to be loved like that.

The whole time, I felt like we were two couples rather than four people, and I missed feeling like a singular entity with my friends. I felt like I was losing myself.

And I was reminded that you should really want to have a baby if you’re going to have a baby.

I changed Doris’s litter, I fed her, I gave her her medicine, I played with her when she yowled. Andy did nothing but stroke her when she sat next to him on the sofa.

Duh bayangin kalo punya baby si jen yg bakal urus semua bjir

And it was there, in front of the Venus de Milo, that I realized: I don’t think I’m cut out to support a male artist. And I’m certainly not cut out to have a family with one.

By the time I broke up with Andy, I’d been planning it for months without even realizing it.

Everything you want to do in your life, you can do without a man, Jen.”

Was the way Andy loved me actually nothing to do with me, and instead just the Andy Experience a woman gets when he chooses her?

“I miss your notes,” he says. “I don’t remember you being too receptive to them when we were together,” I say. “I know. I regret that. I regret a lot of things, as you’ve probably gathered from the last hour.” “Some people write a letter,” I say. “Why waste good material?” he says.

“You really did want to be on your own,” he says. “I wasn’t lying.” “No,” he says. “I understand that now.”

I wish him luck for all the shows in the run-up to Edinburgh and we say that we’ll keep in touch, even though we know that we won’t.

WHY IS THIS ALWAYS TRUE LOLLLL