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“I’m sorry, Frankie. I’m so fucking sorry.” He sucks in a breath and hugs my head against his chest, my sorrow seeping through his white shirt. How can he be so calm? How can he go through this again? “No, angel. I’m fucking sorry.”
“It hurts, so bad,” I sob. “I know, baby. I know.” I don’t just mean the physical pain, it’s the pain in my heart. The way it’s crumbling is enough to make me numb.
“I love you,” he whispers. His voice breaks, which shatters my world. We’ve had our future, our baby, painfully ripped from us. Nothing has felt quite like this in my life.
“Why! Frankie! WHY?” she asks in defeat. She holds her face in her hands and her chest heaves. Without thinking, I pull her tight against me. “Shhh, it’s going to be okay, baby.” I don’t know what else to say. I failed her. I failed our baby. I should never have let her leave my side. This is my mistake to live with.
“Maybe we’re just bad people who don’t deserve to be parents,” I stiffen at her words and pull back. “You fucking deserve every damn thing in this world, Zara.”
“Then why would this happen to us?” Her bottom lip trembles and makes my heart splinter. I can’t take much more. “Because life is so fucking cruel, Zara. That doesn’t mean we give up.”
I will never forgive myself for letting her down like this.
“Ti amo, Zara,” I whisper, pressing my forehead against hers and closing my eyes. “I love you, Frankie.” It’s barely a whisper.
I pull back, searching her eyes. There is nothing there. It really fucking hurts watching the life drain out of the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and there isn’t a single thing I can do to make this right.
I still don’t let her go. I never will. I will bring her back to me.
He stays strong when I need him to. He has the strength for both of us.
“I love your crazy. I’m damn proud of every single one of those things. It’s what makes you so perfect. Mine.”
“Sit. Keep your eyes on me. Don’t look anywhere else.” The weight of his actions brings tears to my eyes, their meaning overwhelming. He knew my fear without me even saying a word.
“You are incredible, Zara. Truly.”
I don’t feel incredible. I feel useless. I’m a failure.
“I failed, Frankie. I couldn’t do the one job I have as a mother: protect our baby.”
“Don’t ever say that again. You are perfect. This was not your fault; you didn’t fail them. Please don’t think you did.
“Anything, I mean every word.
“You are just as strong as me, Zara. If not fucking stronger. Remember that,”
He brings me strength, and he brings me to life. With him by my side, I can conquer anything.
Just seeing it off her finger again has my heart racing.
“Was any of it real?” she asks. “Excuse me?” She bows her head and sniffles. I can’t move. I don’t know if I can breathe. “I’m useless to you now.”
“You wanted me for a baby. I can’t even give you that.” “Is that honestly what you believe, Zara?”
“You don’t think I love you? You think my fucking chest doesn’t burn every time I’m near you? That I’m not completely and utterly obsessed with you? That I don’t have an overwhelming need to protect you, where not a single thing else matters to me more than you?”
How I live purely for this woman.
“Zara, you are the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You’re far stronger than me.”
“You said love is a weakness,” she whispers. I tip her chin up, forcing her to look at me. The sound of my pounding blood is drowning out everything else. “I was wrong. Not ours....
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“Tell me you don’t love me, Zara. I dare you.” I pin her with a glare.
“Nothing? You still have nothing to say?” I’ve never known this woman to be stuck for words. “What, you want me to prove it? Show you how completely and utterly committed I am to you and us for the rest of our lives? Is that what it will take for you to wear my damn ring?”
“You want my commitment, you want me to prove my love, well here it fucking is.” I take a slow, deliberate step towards her. “And you have the nerve to tell me I don’t fucking love you.” “I didn’t say that.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” Her voice raises an octave. I look down at my bare chest and push the tip of the hot blade on my pec. Blood drips as I start carving the letter ‘Z’ into my skin.
“Stop it! Look, I get it. You love me, I believe you.” I reach the last line of the letter, ignoring the stinging of my flesh. “Now. Tell me I don’t love you. I dare you.”
“I just carved your initial into my skin. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”
I drop down onto one knee, grabbing her left hand. “Marry me, Zara. I’m down on my knees for you. I love you. Marry me.”
“Don’t ever doubt my utter devotion to you, Zara. It’s real, it always has been, and it is never going anywhere. No matter what, we are in this together.”
“I fucking love you, Zara. So much.”
“Together, we can take these fuckers down.”
“I’m fucking lost.”
“I can’t take away your pain. All I can tell you to do is use it. Every ounce of it for Kai, we will destroy them all. Do you hear me? I fucking promise you. Don’t let this kill you; we need you, Jax.”
“Make that your focus. We’ve got your back. You are our family now.” I pat his back.
“You’re sitting in my seat, baby,” I whisper. She turns her head to face me, the first time I’ve seen any light in her eyes since we lost the baby. “Fine, I’ll sit on your lap.”
“You deserve your revenge.” I suck in a breath. “We,” I answer. This is no longer just about me. “We will never be able to get back what we’ve lost. But we will burn the fucking world down to get ours, dolcezza. That, I promise you.”
“Fuck, I love you,” I mumble against her mouth.
“You’ve got this baby,” I whisper in her ear. “With you by my side, Frankie. I’ve got everything.”
“Actually, I have a better idea. What if you just called him? Maybe you can tell him how he needs to hide from me, because I am after blood for him killing my baby. We will give you the location to tell him,” she says, with no emotion in her voice.
Zara’s gaze unfocuses to some place on the wall in front of her. “Dolcezza, concentrate.”
“I’m so fucking proud of you, angel.” I can feel her tears soaking through my shirt. I withdraw and brush them away with my thumb. “They’re going to pay for this, Zara. We are going to win this.” “It still doesn’t bring our baby back, though, does it?” She sniffles. I sigh. “No, Zara. I’m sorry.”
“Anyone who hurts my family dies, George. Don’t worry, I’ll do the one thing you failed to do as a father. I will protect your daughter with my life.”
“What if something happens to Luca? I can’t go through that again, Uncle Frankie.” I won’t let it. I refuse to bring this girl any more pain.
For the first time in my life, I truly do understand Luca’s utter devotion to my niece. The way he was willing to give up everything in a heartbeat for her.
