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The main character in Done and Dusted is named Emmy. Emmy and I don’t have that much in common, but like me, Emmy has ADHD. The differences in the way our brains work can be subtle, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t exist or make an impact on the way we live our lives. I know being diagnosed with ADHD looks different for all of us, but if you’ve ever had a hard time explaining why you leave literally everything until the last minute, why you feel out of control, why your tongue feels like it doesn’t belong in your mouth when the music is too loud, or any of the countless other things we feel
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I heard Teddy’s boots coming around to my side of the truck as I pushed my door shut. “Damn, Ryder,” she said. “I almost forgot how hot you are.” I smiled. A real one. Compliments from Teddy were the best because I knew she meant them. Teddy was earnest, fierce, and loving. She never said anything she didn’t mean. “I’m already going home with you tonight, Andersen. No need to shower me with compliments,” I said as I looped my arm through hers. “We make a good pair.”
If I would’ve seen Teddy first, maybe I could’ve prepared myself for Emmy’s arrival. When it came to those two, one thing was certain: where one went, the other was sure to follow. It drove Gus bat-shit crazy. He always thought Teddy was too much—too loud, too vulgar, and too much trouble. I liked her. She’d always been a good friend to Emmy and was one of the few people who didn’t shy away from Gus’s general asshole-ness.
“I wasn’t flirting with Kenny. I was just saying hi. And even if I was, it’s none of your business. You aren’t my keeper, Brooks. And neither are Gus or Wes. I can take care of myself.” “Actually, what my patrons do in my bar is my business.” His bar? Since when? “And your family is my family, Emmy, so even if you weren’t in my bar, you would be my business. You’ve always been my business, and you’ll always be my business.” The level of authority in his voice told me he didn’t want to be questioned.
The fact that someone else knew what happened was weirdly freeing. It was like, now that he knew, the whole situation didn’t just exist in my head—it was real. The pain it caused me was real. The aftermath was real. And if the fall was real, the rise could be, too.
“Luke isn’t reckless. He has never been. He’s been careless sometimes—impulsive and hasty—which is probably why he’s ended up with his nose broken more times than I can count. But it’s hard to care when you don’t have anyone or anything, and there’s no one around to care about you.” I didn’t know what that was like. I’d always known I was loved.
“It took a long time for him to trust me, to trust Gus and Wes, when we said he was welcome here, but we never stopped showing up for him, and eventually, he showed up for us–and has every day since.”
“I never thought about what it must’ve been like for him—living in a house where he wasn’t wanted,” I said. I felt bad for being such an asshole to him. “Do you think if he didn’t meet Gus, he would be different?” “Maybe. I don’t think we can take all the credit. The kid’s got a heart the size of the Rocky Mountains. He likes having people to care for, and he needs people to care for him. I think he would’ve found his way eventually, maybe with a few more shitty pit stops.”
My heart started to kick against my ribcage, and the early feelings of panic were all too familiar at this point. Brooks had his eyes on me, probably to gauge my reaction. Instead of focusing on the feelings of panic that were creeping their way up my chest, I focused on him. I focused on how secure I’d felt when his arms were wrapped around me, and the way his breath had felt against my cheek. If he was here, I was going to be okay. I pushed the panic down, locking it firmly at the base of my throat. I felt it prick at me as I moved to start the tacking process, but I didn’t let it overcome
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He brought his hand up, tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, and then kept his hand on my face. His eyes flashed to my lips, just like they had that night in my cabin. Unlike that night, he moved his thumb and brushed it over my bottom lip. I wanted to take it into my mouth. This was it. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted it so badly. He didn’t.
After a near-death experience having to do with the kitchen ceiling and a lot of rodents, both dead and alive, Wes and I boarded back up the door.
Gus was my best friend. Who knows what would’ve happened to me if he hadn’t fed me half of his peanut butter sandwich in second grade when I didn’t have a lunch. I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship, but I also didn’t want to miss out on what could happen with Emmy. Something about her just felt different. It felt good. I wanted to know where it could go, where we could go. Even if we just ended up being friends. I wanted her in my life, more than the way she already was. That way wasn’t enough anymore.
This place was a fucking disaster. I wasn’t very good at keeping things clean. Sometimes, it was just easier for me to live under the piles rather than face what might be in them. It wasn’t logical, but my brain didn’t really work normally.
“Do you normally come up here by yourself?” I asked. Translation: Do you bring a lot of women up here? Because this would be a damn good place to bring women. Brooks looked at me, his gaze earnest. “This place is mine. You’re the first person I’ve brought here.” “Oh,” I said dumbly. “Yeah, oh,” he said with a smile. “Not even Gus?” “Not even Gus.”
“I feel like this decision has been a long time coming. My therapist in Denver was worried I was burning myself out.” “Were you?” “Yeah. But in a different way than you’re thinking,” I said. He gave me a small nod, giving me permission to keep talking. “A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I’ve always felt like I’ve been doing a million things at once, and I felt like I had to give all of those things all of my attention.” I thought about the way being diagnosed had changed things for me. All of the sudden, I could explain why I did things the way I did. It was a revelation for me. It
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I didn’t want to go, but I probably had a million missed calls from Teddy, wondering where I was. Brooks handed me my t-shirt and shorts from the ground. We dressed in silence and started our walk back to the truck. Brooks laced his fingers through mine. At that moment, I made my decision. I was going to kiss this man. Today.
“Emmy—” I started but didn’t get to finish because she gripped my shirt in both of her hands and pulled my face to hers. The second our lips met, it was like I was on fire. I was too shocked to do anything but stand there with one of my fingers in her belt loop, and her hands fisted in my shirt. Emmy pulled away too soon, but she pressed her forehead against mine. “You’ve chickened out on kissing me twice, so I did it myself,” she said.
“Emmy,” I breathed. “If we keep going, I’m not going to be able to stop.” She pulled away from my kiss and brought her hands to my face. She was looking me dead in the eye when she said: “I don’t want you to stop, Luke.” I swallowed. Was she…? Did she want this like I did? “What do you want, Emmy?” I asked. She was quiet for a moment. I could almost hear both of our heartbeats. “I want you to fuck me in this truck. Please.”
“So was the phone call from your brother before or after you told Luke Brooks to ‘fuck you in his truck?’ ” Teddy asked on the phone. “Ted. You are absolutely not helping,” I said. I wish I could say I regretted telling Teddy about what happened in Brooks’s truck, but I was physically incapable of keeping this to myself. It was better to tell Teddy than accidentally blurt it out at dinner or something.
“Just for some additional clarification,” Teddy continued. “The ‘fuck me in this truck’ situation is a direct quote, yeah?” God, she was loving this. “I need to know so I can cite you when I write about this in my journal later.” “I regret calling you,” I said.
“And when this entire situation blows up in my face?” “I’ll shield you from the wreckage,” she said. I sighed, but Teddy was undeterred. “You know,” she said, “you’re sure sighing an awful lot for a woman who just got to have a good ol’ fashioned make-out with one of the hottest men in Wyoming.” Teddy had a point, yet again. “He is hot, isn’t he?” I said. “He is. And so are you. You guys deserve to be hot together,” she said. “Just don’t overthink it, Em. If Luke Brooks turns out to suck, which I am very confident will not be the case, at least you got a hot make-out session and a burrito out
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I quickly looked at my phone. It was already six fifty-four. Shit. There was no way I was going to make it on time. I might have grown up a little bit, but being on time was never going to be my strong suit.
I saw Teddy come through the slider in my peripheral, but I still had my eyes on Emmy as she gave Wes a hug. When I pulled my eyes away from her, I noticed Teddy staring at me with a smug look on her face. This was the second time she’d caught me staring where I shouldn’t be staring: right at Emmy. “Hey, Brooks,” Teddy said. Her tone was amused. “Teddy.” I nodded at her. “You look nice,” she remarked. “Any particular reason you’ve chosen to forego the ratty-ass t-shirt and hat you’re so fond of?” Ruthless. Teddy was ruthless.
I sat Riley down, and she scampered over to Amos. He gave her the salad. I started to walk over, but Emmy bumped against my shoulder. Her touch stopped me dead in my tracks. I looked down at her. She was giving me a small smile. “Hi,” she said. “Hey.” She linked our pinky fingers for half a second before continuing to the kitchen, stopping beside her dad, putting her palms up, and saying, “Dish me, daddio.” Amos handed her a massive bowl of mashed potatoes. Her favorite.
“Alright. You all know we’re here because we’re seriously considering the addition of a guest ranch to Rebel Blue. Is anyone voting no?” The three Ryder children shook their heads. Wes was beaming. “Weston,” Amos said with his best ranch-owner voice, “this is your project. You owe a budget and proposal to August, Clementine, and me by the end of next week. Deal?” “Deal,” Wes responded. You could almost see the excitement radiating off of him. Amos gave a firm nod.
“We better head out so I can get this one in her own bed. Thanks for dinner, Dad.” Amos gave Gus a handshake as Gus passed his chair and headed toward the front door. A few minutes later, Teddy got up to go. “Teddy, I saved some plates for your dad. They’re in the fridge. There’s enough for him and the nurse that’s helping him out tonight,” Amos said. “Thank you, Mr. Ryder. I know he’ll appreciate it.” I didn’t know much about Teddy’s dad, but I knew he and Amos had been friends for a long time. Both of them were single dads who were just trying to make it work for their families.
I turned to face her. “I’m serious, Emmy. I don’t know when it happened, but I like you. I like you a lot more than I fucking should, and I know we shouldn’t do this because a million things could go wrong, but you feel so right.”
Emmy pulled away, pushed her door open, and turned back to me. “I like you, too, Luke.” Those words hit me hard enough to knock the wind out of me. “Goodnight.”
That’s the thought I was mulling around in my brain when Brooks said, “I can’t stay away from you anymore.” He took a step forward, grabbed both sides of my face, and kissed the hell out of me. When his lips were on mine, I couldn’t think at all.
It was cliché, but up until now, I had been with boys. Luke was a fucking man.
I took my tank top off, and I heard Brooks let out a low growl. I’d never understood the phrase “his eyes darkened” that was in all the romance books Teddy loaned me, until now.
“Good.” He undid his belt, dropped his jeans, and stepped out of them. His dick was straining against his black briefs. “Stop staring at my cock like that, sugar.” My eyes shot back up to Brooks. “L-like what?” “Like you want me to put you on your knees and shove it down your throat.” Jesus.
He slid his fingers back in me as his tongue swirled and flicked at my clit. He used the pad of his tongue to replicate the pressure I’d felt when I was grinding on him. Between that and his fingers, the pressure was starting to make its way down my spine. This had never happened to me before. Holy shit.
I’d never had sex like this before. I didn’t think I was having bad sex before, but after having sex with Luke, I wasn’t convinced.
“I can’t believe that just happened,” I said. “My thirteen-year-old self would be levitating right now.” Luke’s chest vibrated with laughter underneath me. “Yeah? Was she a fan?” “A fan of your looks, yes.” “Ouch.” “Don’t worry, twenty-seven-year-old me thinks you’re moderately less annoying.”
“Emmy, can you help me up?” Hank asked. “I’ve got a surprise for the birthday girl.” Teddy started to get up. “Dad, I can help yo—” “Sit your ass down, Theodora. It’s your birthday.”
“What else did he say? You’re holding back.” I loved her, but damn, her human lie detector was annoying as hell sometimes. “How do you know that?” I demanded. “Because you look like you’re constipated.” Okay, fair. “He said—” I hesitated for a second. “He said he didn’t want to be my ‘dirty little secret.’ ”
I kept an eye on Emmy throughout the night. Not in a creepy way–just in a “I really like you and think you’re the most beautiful woman alive” way.
It was about halfway through “Good Time” that I noticed the man who’d put his hand on Emmy had made his way over to her table with a few of his friends. He was wearing denim on denim. What an asshole.
“He put his hands on you, sugar. No one puts their hands on you.” “This is the real world, Brooks, not a fucking romance novel. I don’t need you to rescue me from a creep in a bar. I can handle myself.” Emmy stared me down. Her eyes were burning—just the way I liked them. “Obviously, you can handle yourself.” “Then why did you swoop in and physically assault one of your paying customers like some sort of cowboy vigilante?”
“B-because. H-hitting people is b-bad.” I chuckled and moved my hand further up her dress to her panties. Or, at least, where they should have been. Fuck. “You wanna know what’s bad? You bringing this bare pussy into my bar like a perfect little slut.”
I took a pull of the whiskey before setting the bottle on my desk, but I didn’t swallow. I leaned into Emmy, my hand on her throat still keeping her pinned to my office door, and spit the whiskey in her mouth. She swallowed. I felt her throat work under my grip. Fuck. She was everything.
“Tell me yes, Luke,” she said. The tables had really fucking turned tonight, hadn’t they? “Yes, sugar. Let’s see what you look like with my cock in your mouth.”
“Luke?” she said quietly. “Yeah, sugar?” “I’m in like with you.”
Emmy Ryder might have been in like with me, but it was then that I knew I was falling in love with her.
“I could use a riding instructor,” my dad said. His voice was kind of strained. The emotional kind. “Dad, are you okay?” “Yeah, Spud. More than okay. I’d be happy for you wherever you went, but I’m happy you want to be here.” My dad had never tried to keep me in Meadowlark. When I told him about my plans, he went along with them and supported me wherever he could. I wondered how hard it had been for him to watch me go.
“Plus, Ronald and his wife want to go to Yuma. Live out their golden years in warm weather. So if anything, you could take the teenagers and the adults. Luke could keep the kids if he wanted to, but something tells me he’d let you have them.” My heart picked up speed. “What makes you say that?” I tried to be nonchalant. It took a few beats for my dad to answer, and when he did, I wasn’t quite sure what to think about it. “Nothing goes on at Rebel Blue that I don’t know about, Spud.”
We walked across the street to The Bean. The inside was just as I remembered it. It was so cozy. Nothing matched. The tables, chairs, couches–they were all mismatched. Not in a chic Teddy way, but in a chaotic flea market way. I didn’t know if it made my ADHD better or worse. Teddy and I used to do homework here, but I never got anything done. Now I knew why.