History Is All You Left Me

by Adam Silvera

And if bringing up the past annoys you now—as I know it did when you left New York for California—know that I’m sorry, but please don’t be mad at me for reliving all of it. History is all you left me.

It sucks because I know I’ll be alone in my grief for a while. I just want to know when it’ll be possible to laugh again. And when it’ll be okay.

“Maybe if we keep letting things crash and burn, everything else is bound to fall back in place.” Or maybe the fire will grow.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get over how surprising it is to see happiness in someone who’s lost someone they love.

It’s freeing to be in the driver’s seat, to decide if I’ll go left or right, forward or reverse. It’s freeing to be in control.