Summer Romance

by Annabel Monaghan

Mom, I say in my head, I got dressed. I hear her voice: Now, darling, wasn’t that easy? Well, it only took me two years.

There’s something intoxicating about how he’s looking at me like I’m someone I used to be.

“I wanted to kiss you,” he says. “Thursday night, and at the skate park, and at the dog park. And a million times before that, actually.”

“Don’t be weird about it, I’m trying to apologize. I was a little bit obsessed with you when I was a teenager. And when I ran into you and you looked at me like I wasn’t Scooter, it felt really good. I should have told you before we went out, but it just kept getting better and better. It felt so easy.”

“Come on, Ali. I’m pretty sure every guy at Beechwood High thought you were the one.” “Not even close.” “Maybe it was just me,” he says, and looks back at the water.

The sun is low, almost gone. It’s soupy humid and the crickets are cricketing in a way that reminds me of a hundred summers past, riding my bike around town until the streetlights came on. It was my favorite part of the day, the thing you could always count on.

“You’ve known me for one week, Scooter. You don’t know what I’m made for.” “I’ve known you a long time,” he says. His gaze is heavy on me, full of a million things unsaid. It’s like he knows a thing that I don’t know. Like he sees something I don’t. He takes my hand and entwines our fingers. I feel it all over my body and briefly forget where we’re going.

The most disturbing part of the balance of power in my relationship with Pete is that I was complicit, chipping off pieces of myself and offering them to him until all that was left is who I am now.

If you go too long, you stop looking at what you’re sorting through and just start throwing everything away. I call it StuffFatigue™, and it’s a real problem.

“You’re the architect of your own experience.”

“This was a great date. My fourteen-year-old self can’t believe I got Ali Morris half-naked in the pool.”

He takes my hand, and I feel relieved. Like I’ve plugged back into an energy source.

“You can’t just keep doing what you’re doing and wait for it to turn into something happy. You kind of have to look for the happy things along the way.”

“I’ve wanted this for a long time. Since I was fourteen, actually. Since the first time I ever cleared your plate at the diner. You were at the back booth with your mom drinking a vanilla milkshake through a straw, and I thought, God, that lucky straw. That’s how long I’ve wanted you.”

Back in Beechwood, I feel like I’m in quicksand.” “You feel pretty solid to me.” “With you, yes. For sure.”

This is not going to be a lighthearted summer romance where we ride bikes with ice cream cones in our hands. It’s going to be the kind where the waves crash over us as we feverishly make love on the sand. It has a different soundtrack, but it ends the same.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. “I want this,” I say. “For the record, in the light of day. I’m not going to regret it.” He kicks the pantry door shut and his mouth completely takes me in.

The taste of Ethan is narcotic, and I wonder if that’s a thing, if people actually get hooked on another person.

Love is not If you clean up, I’ll help you through your grief. I’m not sure what love is, but I think it’s something different from that.

“I guess what I wanted to say is that I really like you.” I look up at him to see if he’s being casual or intense. “I am very afraid that you’re going to break my heart. And I think it’s worth it.” Intense. “I don’t want to break your heart,” I say. “Okay, then don’t.” And he leans in and kisses me.

“I can’t believe I get to spend the whole day with you,” he says. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

I don’t think I could have stayed married to Pete for one week if I’d known this existed, a person who was clearly designed specifically for me.

When we’re seated and we each have a glass, he raises his. “I’m just so happy you’re single. And that Ferris peed on me.” “Cheers to wet socks.”

Frannie says, laying flowers and the birthday cake on my kitchen counter. “What happened to this place?” Ethan crosses the room and puts his arm around me. “I kissed her, and now she’s no longer a frog.” I give him a nudge and he holds me closer.

My dad and Libby walk into the kitchen, and hugs and hellos are exchanged. He reaches out his hand to Ethan. “Nice to meet you, I hear you’re a great guy,” he says. I have never seen Ethan so caught off guard. “Thank you,” he says. “And I like your parents,” my dad goes on. “Thank you,” Ethan says again. “I like your daughter.”

“Yes. In my perfect world, I would be with you all the time, no breaks,” he says.

“Good. Good. Just wanted to say so. Also, that I liked the way he listened to you.” “Dad, seriously?” “Yes. I mean, every time you opened your mouth to talk he acted like you were about to perform a never-before-heard Beatles song.”

“I was wandering around Devon trying to get it to feel like home again, trying to get back to being the person I was before you. And it just felt empty. I moved there because it felt good. I realized that what felt good there was that it was a place where I could belong. But that’s not enough anymore. I belong with you.”

“I doubt that. But I love you, Ali, like in a way that’s so intense I don’t think I could even explain it to you. So I’m staying.” He kisses me again, more deeply, and I feel myself melt into him in that way I never thought I would again. “I love you,” he says into my mouth. “I love you so much, Ali.”

He drops the coats and takes my hand. “So you love me?” I smile. I am not tired of talking about this. “I do.” “Like for the rest of the summer? Or longer? Like if you had to guess.” I put my arms around his waist. I have never felt like this before and I have never wanted forever more in my life. “Longer.”

He pulls me close and we watch my kids laugh with his parents. I feel all of it. The love for my kids that sometimes feels like it could engulf me in flames. The burning love I can still feel coming from my mom, like it’s something alive inside of me. And the way Ethan feels like a thing I have been waiting for my entire life.