Bonds of Cupidity (Heart Hassle, #2)

by Raven Kennedy

“Your eyes are doing some weird shit. Are you, like, losing it? Are you gonna have a psychotic episode? Do I smell bad to you? Because seriously, I bathed. Stop making this weird.” His nostrils flare and he closes his eyes as he breathes in again. When he opens them and looks at me, the red in his eyes seems to have calmed down. In a super low, gravelly voice, he says, “You do not smell bad. Your smell is…” He trails off, unable to find the right words. “You are my mate.”

“If you’re my mate, you have to laugh at all my jokes,” I admonish. His face sobers, and he nods seriously. “Of course, my beloved. I won’t fail you again.” I smile. This mate stuff is fun.

“How could I forget when Not-First shot me down with an arrow?” “Never gonna let that go,” Ronak mutters under his breath.

“Syl. Take over. I can’t talk to her when she does the thing where she disagrees with me.”

I don’t care what anyone says, walking is super hard.

Before he can answer, the door flies open and there stand two fae to greet us. I blink at the sight. “They’re…they’re stuck together at their butts. They’re butt-stuck. At the butt cheeks. They’re naked. Penises. I can see their penises. They’re identical.” For some reason, I feel like this all needs to be said. I’m having a hard time looking away with them just hanging out in the open like this. “I just…do you think they both poop and pee at the same time? Or does one of them take over for that? What about sex? Or sitting? What happens when one of them wants to sit and the other doesn’t?” Yeah, I know. I’m rambling again.

“Can we get a pet?” Confusion washes over his face at my sudden change in topic. “What?” “A pet. Can we get one? Like a little puppy? I’ve always wanted a pet.” He arches a brow. “Always? You’ve always wanted a pet, or you just now thought of it and decided you want one?” He knows me too well. “That part’s not important. Can I get one?” He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “No.”