How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying (Dark Lord Davi #1)

by Django Wexler

So, first of all, where the fuck do you get off giving me advice, imaginary person? Have you been horribly killed an unknown but four-digit number of times? I suspect not, and I invite you to (a) respect my expertise, and (b) fuck off into the sun.

That really fucking awful guy is president. Not that one, the other one.

The thing about manipulating a crowd is that you don’t have to convince everyone. Ninety percent of the shouting comes from 10 percent of the mob. Get the loudest voices on your side, and the rest will convince themselves.

It’s like I always tell people: Kenny Loggins will never lead you astray.

I’ve had my head cut off a few times, it fucking sucks, especially when the fuckers didn’t sharpen their axe real good. Pro tip, though: If you have to do it, try to get them to do the thing where they hold your head up by the hair so you can watch your own body flopping around before you die, it’s hilarious.