Don't Kiss the Bride

by Carian Cole

Distractions aren’t a luxury I can afford. Especially feisty, cute ones with trouble stamped all over them.

“Hey, Skylar! If you need a ride, I got one for you right here.” The kid grabs his junk and laughs hysterically. “That’s a little small for me, Michael,” she yells back. “I’d rather ride your dad and make you call me Mommy.”

“You shouldn’t provoke those punks,” I say. Her eyebrows rise. “Seriously? I can take care of myself, dude.” “I can see that, Sparkles. What’s wrong with your car?” “Sparkles?” she repeats. “Yeah. You gotta lot of spark. Like a firecracker.”

“I guess I’ve just always been drawn to older things. They have character and give me a sort of comfort. They’ve been forgotten and tossed aside.” She takes a wistful breath. “I guess I want to love them. Remind them they still matter. Does that make sense? Or does it sound stupid?”

We’re told from the time we can understand words not to get into cars with strangers, yet here we all are, paying strangers to let us get in their cars. I just don’t feel okay with it.

After a few seconds, he gently squeezes my hand, then pulls his from mine. It’s a tiny, affectionate gesture, that squeeze. But us girls know what it is. A hand hug.

He didn’t even call me Sparkles. I was hoping he would, because it always gives me a little burst of happiness, and it’s been a while since I felt that way.

I’m not sure how he does it. Somehow, he makes me feel like every molecule in my body has learned how to smile. I like it. I like him.

They say you shouldn’t make spur-of-the-moment decisions, ’cause that usually leads to a mess. But, fuck it. I’ve never been known to avoid a mess.

I wasn’t ready for his nighttime, chilling-at-home-look, but damn if he isn’t just begging to be posted on Instagram right now with hashtag #graysweats.

All I want to do is breathe and breathe and breathe, as if it can somehow get inside me and give me a new beginning. Maybe, hopefully, this is a new beginning.

His grip on my waist tightens and he pulls me closer. His lips open to mine. Our eyes close. My hand has found its way to the back of his neck. Our mouths linger breathlessly when they shouldn’t—warm, and damp— before we slowly, reluctantly, pull apart. With just one kiss our deal has been shattered, our fate sealed.

“You ain’t tall enough to get on this ride, Sparkles.” A flirty smile plays on her lips. “You talking about the bike, or you? ’Cuz I think I can handle both.”

In my mind she’s got a huge, glowing, neon sign over her head flashing WARNING - KEEP BACK. But somehow, I keep edging closer.

“And age doesn’t matter,” Aunt Suzy continues, oblivious to my worries. “In fact, I think it’s better. You deserve a man who knows what he wants and can take care of you after all you’ve been through.”

I wish she’d stop talking. Her soft voice is only making me want to turn around and kiss those pretty pink lips of hers.

There’s not much I look forward to, but her smile is definitely a highlight of my day.

Our rules are breaking themselves. Although, a little voice inside tells me maybe they’re breaking a little more for me than for him. I just have to keep reminding myself that I’m here for the happily for now and not the happily ever after.

Connecting with someone doesn’t always have to be pretty and beautiful. It can be raw and ugly and infected with need. I want all of him—the good and the bad.

Through her, I see us. I see tomorrows and next years. And I like it. There was never supposed to be a next anything. It’s like our temporary arrangement has turned into a runaway train and we can either hang on for the ride, or jump off.

This place is like my zen. It always calms me.” “I can see why. So many wishes waiting to happen.” “What do you mean?” “Any one of those stars could shoot at any second, and then you can wish on it.” That does it. I’m totally crazy about her.

“Marriage has nothing to do with rings or vows or a fuckin’ piece of paper. None of that shit binds people together,” he said. “Marriage—being in love—is a choice to stay every day, and keep staying, no matter what. You don’t lie, you don’t cheat, you don’t leave, and you don’t give up. You stay.”

“Time goes by fucking fast, man. Every day you sit on your ass, avoiding living, you’re missing out. Take the chances, love the girl, before it’s too late.”

I need to be strong today, because that’s what marriage is sometimes. You take turns being the strong one.

Smiling, he pulls me into his arms and whispers, “I think you’re my favorite place now.”