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October 29 - October 31, 2020
he was perfectly willing to let someone throw him a rope.
Yes, you have cancer and yes, you will likely die from it. But not today. Today is where you need to be. Not tomorrow and not six months from now. Just today.”
That gesture, two fingers measuring a thin space in time, became a code for us over the next several months. We used it to encourage each other when things were tough and we needed to reset our thinking: keep it in the present and leave the future in the future.
“No. Actually, I think I’m the lucky one. If somebody has to have cancer, I’d rather be the one to have it than to be the one who has to watch and then be left behind. I don’t think I could handle watching someone I love die. You all have it worse, and I’m so sorry for putting you through this.”
If he couldn’t win, he’d go down laughing.
The place looked so old and worn-out it made me feel dirty.
It was hard to tell the economic statuses of the patients; cancer treatments have a way of making people look generic.
“if I had to die instead of that little boy in the bed next to me, I would. It’s not fair. No kid should have to lose their childhood to this.” He was angry.
1. If the sentence you are about to say starts with the phrase “have you” or “you should,” don’t say it. 2. Unless you have had a child with the same disease and you’ve been through the exact same thing, don’t offer advice. 3. Don’t tell me about everyone you have ever known who has either battled cancer or died from cancer. 4. Don’t tell me to be grateful.
Somehow he managed to look forward to each day even though he knew it would likely bring with it periods of misery. He refused to let what he suffered define and contain him.
“Physical pain is a joke. It’s just Satan’s way of messing with you and trying to get you to feel sorry for yourself,” he said. “Mental and spiritual pain are different. That’s the real battle where faith and prayer come in.”
He confronted the future, then left it there and came back to the present where he had a life to live and enjoy.
To them, her smile was a victory over cancer.
It was about changing ourselves to become better people and to grow in love and serve each other.
“Would you jump ship if one of your friends were going to die?”
When bad things happen, your body responds: your heart rate goes up, your mouth tastes like metal, and you get very tired but have a hard time falling asleep. That’s just the way it is; you simply don’t have much control over it.
Life moves on, I thought, and we move with it.
“Just live, Zach,” she said. “Just live your life.”
The beauty in life is more visible when the clutter is gone, the colors of life more vibrant against the backdrop of death.
There were so many times that the sorrow and agony of a particular moment was punctuated by something intensely wonderful and beautiful. Laughter was always sweeter through tears, and joy was more potent when born out of suffering.
“But I really realized I need to live life to the fullest. I don’t want to just hang out downstairs and burn my time away. I want to do as much as I can with the time I have left. I just want to live the best life I can, and I really want it to count for something.”
“I don’t know yet. I guess I just want to experience things I’ve never experienced before. I just feel like I’m supposed to leave the world better than it is now,” he said. “I just want to get out there and do some crazy stuff.”
“I don’t know. I guess I figure, what have I got to lose? If I screw it up, it’s not like I’ll have to live with it for a long time. Besides, I’ll kick myself later if I don’t try this,” he responded.
This wasn’t about Zach and it wasn’t about “Clouds”; it was about using his story and music to help others.
he was willing to make himself vulnerable and to make himself accessible to those around him.
“Yeah, at first it was really scary,” he said with a chuckle. “But when I got started, all that scariness went away and it was amazing!
To understand how a person could love so deeply that the only thing to do is to let go. To learn how the purest joy in life can come through the most intense and messy suffering. And to understand that peace through the most violent of storms is the most profound of all miracles.
They also saw a boy who had every reason to despair, yet chose instead to hope and love. A boy who could have chosen to indulge but chose to honor instead. And a boy who understood that a simple smile given to a stranger could change the world. A boy who taught them they didn’t have to find out they were dying to start living.
It wasn’t an easy thing, but it wasn’t a terribly difficult thing either. He simply took that first step without fear.
use what you have to make another person happy, and joy will be returned to you.
“He said hi to me and he didn’t even know me.”
“Zach stood up for me,” another girl spoke through tears. “He stood up for me when I felt really stupid and everyone was teasing me.” “Zach saw me crying in the hall one time between classes,” said another. “He didn’t know me, but he took the time to ask if I was okay.”
life is really just beautiful moments, one right after the other. He has taught me to see beauty and joy in everything. And although today is very sad, it is also very beautiful. Because what is more beautiful than a congregation full of lovely people celebrating the life of a beautiful, young man?
