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He laughed particularly hard when I spoke about the time I’d tried to ride on one of my cousin’s cows because my brother had told me it was just like riding a horse. News flash, it wasn’t. I’d ended up walking home covered in shit—literally—with a bruised ass and an even more bruised ego. Dad had laughed his ass off. He’d called me “shithead” for months. Highly amused. Mama…was not so much.
Trent liked me. He liked me, he liked me, he liked me! And not only that, but he liked me enough that he felt possessive of me.
Life was full of wounds even when they healed. That was just the way of it. It was the steps you took forward on the tightrope, bleeding or not, that made the difference.
“God, you have the prettiest damn smile I’ve ever seen, you know that?”
“Prettier than sunsets over the mountaintops, or dew on grass, or the lake my dad took us to when we were little.” Trent swallowed, and I stared at the stubble that decorated his jawline, embarrassed—and happier than I’d been my entire life. “If I could bottle it up like sunshine I would. Put it on my mantel and save it for a rainy day when I need it the most.”
“Why?” Trent stared at me, clearly flummoxed. “I would literally sell my left kidney to get my dick inside your bouncy ass. How is that even possible?”
“You are the cutest idiot I’ve ever met,” Trent
I am going to fuck you.” A slow, wicked smirk twisted across his lips. “I’m going to fuck you till you’re cross-eyed, big guy. I’m going to make you cry for it. Beg. I’m going to train your ass to twitch every time you catch sight of me. I am going to enjoy every goddamn, gorgeous inch of your body.”
you deserve to be worshiped. You deserve to have sex the way you want to—regardless of your size.”
“Why—I—” “Because I said so.” Trent leaned back in his seat, all casual confidence, a lion bouncing a mouse between its paws. “And you’re going to do what I say, whether you like it or not.”
What sort of mischief was he up to? There was a light in his eyes I’d never seen before. Chaos pretty as the autumn leaves.
“Only if you can catch me,” Miles managed, his voice lower—thicker—deeper than I’d ever heard it before. It took me a second to process the challenge, and by the time I did he was gone. His laughter was left behind, dancing through the air as he bounded up the stairs. I stared at all that flexing, glorious, naked muscle with my jaw on the floor and my hands still in the air.
Miles was everything I’d never known I needed. Serious when he needed to be, loyal, protective—and yet…playful, soft, and needy. He was the kind of person that made a house a home. The kind of person who took his trauma and used it to make the world a more beautiful place. He was as strong as he was needy. Lost as he was found. He made me feel stronger than I’d ever been before.
“Trent—” Miles pushed me back, a single finger on my chest that had me following it obediently. His lips were bright red, and his eyes were glossy. “Too many clothes.” “You’re a genius,” I hummed and he snorted.
If ass eating was an Olympic sport, Trent Montgomery would’ve won the gold fucking medal.
“Fuck yeah…” There was his grin again. “You hold on tight, baby. Pull my hair.” Goddamn, the fucking dirty talk. That should be illegal.
No one had ever waited for me before. I hadn’t thought I was worth it—the wait, I mean. But apparently Trent thought so.
“Bob for apples?” “Yeah,” Bubba nodded, grinning up at me. “I seen a whole bunch of dudes on YouTube do it. Watched a tutorial and everything. I bet I’m gonna be good. Legendary.”
His ass flexed in too-tight jeans as he twisted around, searching the crowd. Searching for us. When he saw us, his eyes lit up. My belly flipped. A giant sunny smile unfurled across his face as he held his arms out expectantly. Suddenly the distance between us hurt. Ten feet became five, became two, as I jogged toward him.
“There’s that pretty smile,” Trent sighed, swinging Bubba’s hand playfully back and forth as we ducked through the crowd. “You better put that thing away or you’re gonna blind somebody.” I smiled harder.
He’d never been the best at physical activities in general. They weren’t his thing the way they were for some boys. Apparently I shouldn’t have worried. The kid was a goddamn champion. Three seconds. Three seconds was all it took for the timer to go off, the three contestants to dive into the water, and for Bubba to pop back up with an apple clutched between his teeth—his hands behind his back. His eyes glowed in triumph as he spat the apple out and waved it above his head like a goddamn flag.
The man running the booth scratched his head thoughtfully as he stared at us all, eyes narrowed even though it was pretty much impossible to cheat. I couldn’t blame him though. Bubba was an apple bobbing monster. Apparently.
The second I’d caught sight of Miles and Bubba in their matching outfits I had about died. How could two people get even more goddamn cute? Cow print. That’s how.
Never had someone to compete with before, so I just watched.” I shrugged. “Besides, this is the first year Ben’s been back. Paxton and I thought we should baptize him by fire. Nothing says, ‘welcome home’ like kicking your brother’s ass.” Bubba glanced up at me, a wicked little smirk on his adorably evil face. “This year it’s just the three of us. My other brothers begged off.” Damn, I loved that kid.
“Ben’s daughters are interesting,” Miles said curiously when he spotted the two blonde toddlers holding each of Ben’s hands. That was the understatement of the century. I’d never met a goth toddler till I met those two. Interesting was a good word to describe who they were.
I flipped around, searching the crowd for Miles and Bubba. Already, Bubs was distracted. Jeremy Collins was back, and apparently he’d brought with him a slice of apple pie that they were sharing, swapping the same fork back and forth as well as little boy germs. Ew.
I didn’t know what to say so I just kissed him. Kissed this beautiful man who called me pretty, who told me I had sea glass eyes, who claimed I was perfect, who gave me silly nicknames, who listened to my darkest secrets and still told me I was everything.
He sucked me down in one swift movement and my back arched off the ground. He was so good at this. So fucking good at this. I should send a thank you card to all the other dicks that Trent had sucked, because clearly his skills came from experience.
“Fuuuck.” He bit his lip, staring down at me, his eyes flooded black with lust. “I want to get inside you so fucking bad.” He let his dick flop down and it jerked again, pointing toward my twitching, empty ass like an arrow. “You have no idea how good you look right now.”
“Uh uh,” Trent pulled my balls down, staving off my orgasm again—and I howled, thrashing a little in protest. He just laughed, a wicked sort of chuckle as he fucked me through my tantrum, enjoying it far more than he probably should. “You come when I say you come.”
“So…when are you going to tell Mr. Johnson that his house is fixed?” Becca asked some time in mid-December, because she was a shithead and therefore had to point out the thing I’d been purposefully forgetting for over a week now.
“Knotting, really?” Becca shook her head at me with a grimace. “Not in what?” Ben wandered into the room. Because of course today was the day he’d decided to help us build his own fucking apartment. Fuck my life. “Give that back,” I tried to snag the AirPod away but Becca just cackled and tucked it behind her so I couldn’t reach. “Since when do you read?” Ben asked, face scrunching up in confusion. Because he was an asshole.
“Just because I like werewolves getting it on in the woods doesn’t mean you guys get to make fun of me,” I huffed, snatching my phone back with a growl. “I’ve had enough of this shit.” “And now he’s mad!” Becca giggled, like the evil little shit she was. She was no longer my favorite. Nathan was my favorite again. Or maybe the twins? Definitely not Becca though. Nope.
He stared at me real hard, all pretty green eyes full of stars, and he said, “I wish you were my dad.” My heart about broke. “You got a dad, sweet pea.” “No,” Bubba shook his head, snuggling his stuffed chicken into his arms as he stared at me all serious, way too serious for a kid his age. “I got a pops,” he waited a moment so I would get what he was saying. My heart about stuttered out of my chest. “I wish I had a dad too.”
“They don’t know shit,” Miles told me, our lips brushing as he spoke. “I’ve been forced to be big and scary most of my life.” His eyes were still wet and I leaned down to kiss away the chill of tears from his lashes. “I just wanna let someone else be strong for a change.” “Please,” I begged, pulling back so I could catch his gaze with my own. “Let me.”
“Let me carry the weight for you. Let me be in charge. Let me hold you. Let me fuck you. Talk to me when you need to—pick me. Let me in. Let me fight your battles. Let me stand beside you. Let me share your secrets. Let me keep you safe.” I swallowed. “Please—” My voice cracked. “I’ve never felt the way I do for you, and it’s scary and wonderful—but god. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Bubba looked…adorable, his scrawny legs poking out of the sweater. They were encased in the Christmas pajamas Miles had bought him the year before, gaudy and too short now. His socks had holes. That’s probably how all the mischief managed to sneak in.
“I knew it!” Bubba crowed, pumping his fists in the air, then looping around the room in a chicken-like victory dance, all pointy elbows and knees. “I freaking knew it! Triles is real!” He waggled his bony little butt, and Barb burst through the door, barking at him in a panic because she had no idea what the fuck he was doing.
“You’re in looooove with Pooopssss.” Bubba pumped his fists some more as he sang. His butt wagged. Barb barked again, because apparently this was great fun and she had to participate. “Expoo-sure therapy really works!” “Ex-poo-what now?” “I’m a genius! Thank you, Mary Cover Jones—and other well-known psychologists—for your groundbreaking discoveries!” Bubba thanked the ceiling seriously before he pointed at us both, waggled his eyebrows, and ducked out the door. “I’m gonna call Gram. She owes me fifty bucks.”
“I think he loves you,” Bubba said, and my heart stopped. “I’d tell you not to hurt him, but I don’t think you ever would.” I squeezed my eyes shut tight. Tears burned hot down my cheeks, mixing with the soapy water. “I think Pops loves you, but I think you love him more. And maybe now you’re around I don’t have to protect him anymore. You can do it for me.”
I wasn’t sure when I’d moved. When she’d begun to hold me. But she was. She smoothed her hands through my hair as I trembled, agony slipping through my fingertips and disappearing with the bubbles onto the tile. I don’t know how to be happy. When I get something good in my life, I always question it.
“Give him to me,” he demanded, arms outstretched. “I’ve got him.” Gram let me go and without a second thought, I stumbled into his embrace. Pine trees, cocoa, expensive cologne. Well-worn flannel. Solid muscle. Warmth. “You heard all that, didn’t you? You sweet thing.” Trent rocked me back and forth, letting me sag against him as he took all my weight. Tears spilled onto his collar, onto the salty sweet skin of his throat, but he didn’t mind. “Let it all out, Miley.” He held me tight. “I can carry it.” And he could.
I was shaking this—you know, to test it—and I accidentally popped part of it open. But don’t worry, I didn’t peek.” He totally peeked. “I just really think Trent would be really-really-really sad if he thought I’d been peeling the tape back so I could look at all the presents he bought because I’ve never had a Christmas with him before so I wasn’t sure what to expect—so I had to check them all to make sure I reacted the right way so he wouldn’t be disappointed when he clearly put a lot of effort into buying the stuff. Which is why I didn’t do that. At all.”
I wasn’t laughing now. How could I? When I only ever felt at peace when I had my hands on Miles and his heartbeat thudding against my own. He was comfort. He was companionship. He was tranquil lake water and tumbled river stones. He was innocence. First love the way it’s meant to be. He was happy days, butterflies, and the promise of a future all wrapped in a big cow print covered body. I couldn’t lose him. And the first step to claiming him started here.
I felt like that sometimes. Beaten, but working. Used, but still usable.
And I realized something I should’ve understood a long, long time ago. Being a dad wasn’t about the title. It wasn’t about perfection. Being a dad meant showing up when you were needed. It was as simple as that. Doable. Wonderful.
“I’m kinda…” “Kinda?” “In love with him?” My words were muffled. “And by kinda, I mean—totally, completely, utterly in love with him. Stupid in love. Ridiculously in love. Like—I would literally kiss the ground he walked on, kind of in love. The kind in movies, and books—and audiobooks. The stupid kind. That makes no sense—but makes all the sense at the same time—”
“I’ve been silent…for so long.” Everything hurt. “B-but I don’t want to be silent anymore. Not when I love you this much. Not when you might not know. I love you the way I never knew I could love someone. With my whole heart, my toes, my nose, and my lashes. Every little, inconsequential part of me loves every little inconsequential part of you. The way you—the way you—I love the way you always spill syrup in your beard—”
“I love your laugh.” My heart settled. Because this was right. This was right. Even though it was scary and new, and I may not be doing it correctly. “I love your smile.” My eyes burned. “I love how when you walk in the room, it gets warmer somehow. I love how there’s forty dog beds laying around your house so Barb’s butt never has to touch the hard floor.”
“I love how you listen with your whole heart.
