The Summer I Turned Pretty The Collection

by Jenny Han

There are moments in life that you wish with all your heart you could take back. Like, just erase from existence. Like, if you could, you’d erase yourself right out of existence too, just to make that moment not exist.

was nothing more beautiful than this, that this particular sunset matched the beauty of anything in this world, ten times over. I could feel all the tension of the day drifting away from me and out to sea. I wanted to memorize it all in case I didn’t get to come back again. You never know the last time you’ll see a place. A person.

“Because I live in reality, unlike you. You’d rather live in a fantasy world than see people for who they really are.”

I didn’t want to make the same mistakes my parents made. I didn’t want my love to fade away one day like an old scar. I wanted it to burn forever.

Underneath my lashes I watched him, and I thought, Come back. Be the you I love and remember.

I will never look at you in the same way ever again. I’ll never be that girl again. The girl who comes running back every time you push her away, the girl who loves you anyway.

I release you. I evict you from my heart. Because if I don’t do it now, I never will.

YOU ARE THE MILK TO MY SHAKE, forever and ever. Love, J.

Hurt like you’ve hurt me.

I wanted to keep screaming and crying and somehow find a way out of this. But I didn’t see a way. Looking down at him, I felt like I was made of stone. He had never disappointed me before. For him to do it now made it that much harder, because I hadn’t seen it coming. It was hard to believe that just a few short hours ago he’d carried me across campus on his back and I’d loved him more than ever.

The tears had started again, but I didn’t want to cry anymore, especially not in front of him. Or with him. I didn’t want to feel sad. I didn’t want to feel anything.

I didn’t know it would feel that way to see him again. Heart in my throat, hard to breathe. For those couple of seconds, I forgot everything and there was just him.

Looking up at him, I had this sudden thought. Oh my God. I still love you.

We were growing up. We were still figuring out how to be in each other’s lives without being everything to each other.

But as much as I’d missed him, when I opened my door and saw his face again, all the hurt came rushing back, hard and fast.

“I love you so much. These past couple of days have been hell for me without you.”

He put his arms around me, and we held on to each other, clinging like we were the other’s safe harbor. All I could think was, if we just get through this storm, we will make it. He’d made mistakes, I had too. But we loved each other, and that was what mattered.

“I need you to know that no matter what happens, it was worth it to me. Being with you, loving you. It was all worth it.”

Then he was gone. Just for that moment, the thought that I might never see him again … it felt worse than death. I wanted to run after him. Tell him anything, everything. Just don’t go. Please just never go. Please just always be near me, so I can at least see you. Because it felt final. I always believed that we would find our way back to each other every time.

We didn’t know what was ahead of us then. We were just two teenagers, looking up at the sky on a cold February night. So no, he didn’t give me flowers or candy. He gave me the moon and the stars. Infinity.