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I stare at the wall ahead of me. I’m pregnant. There’s a baby inside me. God, what have I done? Then the tears fall.
Felt that hahahahah
They call out his length and weight—twenty-five inches, ten pounds, four ounces! Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t try to push him out.
Holy fuck
I spin around, and I swear all the blood drains from my face. It’s him. Shit, I fucked this nice pregnant lady’s husband way back when. Hopefully he doesn’t remember me.
Hahahahahaha
That I want her more than I’ve wanted anything. I want my name on her back. On her driver’s license. On her lips.
Awww
I don’t want her to catch wind of what’s going on and try to come after Raleigh or Arthur. I don’t trust her. But when we do, be sure she pays for every day I missed out on with my family.
I’d rather spend an entire Saturday at Chuck E. Cheese’s child rat casino than have this “party.”
Gross
it’s not all rainbows and space dicks, but it’s filled with love.
Space dicks???
I reach behind her seat and drop the box of 144 condoms in her lap. She holds it up and looks at me bewildered. “Jesus Christ, Bear! It’s too bad you couldn’t find a bigger box! What are we going to do when we run out?” I shrug. “Butt stuff?”
“Yeah. I told you I want to be involved. Give me a to-do list.” Sex is one thing, but it’s a special kind of pussy throb when he takes care of my errands.
100%
“Ral, listen to me, babe.” He takes my hands in his, and my mind starts swirling. “I don’t want you to get all in your head about this, because there’s nothing to worry about. But you’re about to meet my mom.”
Yikes 😂
“You know what’s funny, his dimple reminds me so much of when Barrett was…” She looks back and forth between Barrett and Arthur. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck.
Duhhhhh
Or if you need a night for the two of you, ya know, alone time to get frisky—” “Stop talking,” Barrett cuts her off, and I burst out laughing.
Hahahahah
She flips my ball cap backward, then snatches the frothy toothbrush from my mouth and kisses me—then puts my toothbrush in her mouth. “That’s gross,”
That IS gross
with a kid running around, our chances of getting privacy are limited, so I’m going to need you to pull your shit together.” I clap him on the back twice. “Let’s go, sport.”
“Do you really think I’m going to suck your dick while you stand there and eat cereal?”
And she does
“They opened Mom’s belly and pulled me out. Like when you open Easter eggs and candy falls out. Except it was a baby.” There’s an image.
Weird way to think of it
Me: …Says the guy who skipped dryland training to take Arthur to the zoo. Barrett: THE KOALA HAD A BABY, RALEIGH!!!
“And you saw him at my opening! I helped!” Micky coos. Birdie narrows her eyes at her. “The fuck are you talking about?” She laughs, sipping her mocktail. “They didn’t even connect until the Lakes-Method event.” “I brought a fam-il-y together.” Micky enunciates,
“Or I could surprise him and get his name put on the birth certificate.”
That is so sweet
No! He can’t do it now! He better not ask me to marry him while I’m wearing a shirt that says BALLS in bright red letters.
Lol
Next to her artwork is Arthur’s. His space penises have improved dramatically, thanks to her.
Me: Did you hear about Banksy?
HE GOT MARRIED AT THAT WEDDING IM CALLING IT NOW
